There once lived three bulls, a white bull, a black bull, and a red bull. Looking for food, a lion watched them graze together and realized he could not contend with all three. So he went to the black and red bull and made a deal with them. He told them that he was very ferocious and powerful and that if they let him eat the white bull, he would leave them in peace. The black and red bull agreed, and the lion murdered and then ate the white bull.
Time passed and the lion became hungry again. He went to the red bull and argued that he was ferocious and powerful and that if he let him eat the black bull he would leave him in peace. The red bull agreed and the lion murdered and then ate the black bull.
As time passed and the lion became hungry, he visited the red bull again. As the red bull saw death in the lions eye, as the teeth dug deep into it's neck, it shouted, "Verily I was eaten the day the white bull was eaten!"
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Cell phone vs Quran
Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Quran like we treat
our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several time a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we travelled?
What if we used it in case of emergency?
This is something to make you go....hmm....where is my Quran?
Oh, and one more thing.
Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Quran being
disconnected
Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities? And no dropped calls!
our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several time a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we travelled?
What if we used it in case of emergency?
This is something to make you go....hmm....where is my Quran?
Oh, and one more thing.
Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Quran being
disconnected
Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities? And no dropped calls!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
10 Principles for Peace of Mind
1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked.
Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God.. God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way. Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.
2. Forgive And Forget:
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it. Get over this bad habit. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive,20Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.
3. Do Not Crave For Recognition:
This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives. They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you. Why do you wish to kill yours lf in striving for their recognition? Their recognition is not worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically and sincerely.
4. Do Not Be Jealous:
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No. Remember everybody's life is shaped by his/her destiny, which has now become his/her reality. If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.
5. Change Yourself According To The Environment:
If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail. Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.
6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured:
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control... If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully. Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.
7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew:
This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. . Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.
8. Meditate Regularly:
Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.
9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant:
An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile . Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name.
10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret:
Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Value your time and do the things that need to be done. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Why cry over spilled milk?
Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God.. God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way. Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.
2. Forgive And Forget:
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it. Get over this bad habit. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive,20Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.
3. Do Not Crave For Recognition:
This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives. They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you. Why do you wish to kill yours lf in striving for their recognition? Their recognition is not worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically and sincerely.
4. Do Not Be Jealous:
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No. Remember everybody's life is shaped by his/her destiny, which has now become his/her reality. If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.
5. Change Yourself According To The Environment:
If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail. Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.
6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured:
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control... If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully. Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.
7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew:
This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. . Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.
8. Meditate Regularly:
Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.
9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant:
An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile . Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name.
10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret:
Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Value your time and do the things that need to be done. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Why cry over spilled milk?
60 Tips from the Quran
1. Respect and honour all human beings irrespective of their religion, colour, race, sex, language, status, property, birth, profession/job and so on [17/70]
2. Talk straight, to the point, without any ambiguity or deception [33/70]
3. Choose best words to speak and say them in the best possible way [17/53, 2/83]
4. Do not shout. Speak politely keeping your voice low. [31/19]
5. Always speak the truth. Shun words that are deceitful and ostentatious [22/30]
6. Do not confound truth with falsehood [2/42]
7. Say with your mouth what is in your heart [3/167]
8. Speak in a civilised manner in a language that is recognised by the society and is commonly used [4/5]
9. When you voice an opinion, be just, even if it is against a relative [6/152]
10. Do not be a bragging boaster [31/18]
11. Do not talk, listen or do anything vain [23/3, 28/55]
12. Do not participate in any paltry. If you pass near a futile play, then pass by with dignity [25/72]
13. Do not verge upon any immodesty or lewdness whether surreptitious or overt [6/151].
14. If, unintentionally, any misconduct occurs by you, then correct yourself expeditiously [3/134].
15. Do not be contemptuous or arrogant with people [31/18]
16. Do not walk haughtily or with conceit [17/37, 31/18]
17. Be moderate in thy pace [31/19]
18. Walk with humility and sedateness [25/63]
19. Keep your gazes lowered devoid of any lecherous leers and salacious stares [24/30-31, 40/19].
20. If you do not have complete knowledge about anything, better keep your mouth shut. You might think that speaking about something without full knowledge is a trivial matter. But it might have grave consequences [24/15-16]
21. When you hear something malicious about someone, keep a favourable view about him/her until you attain full knowledge about the matter. Consider others innocent until they are proven guilty with solid and truthful evidence [24/12-13]
22. Ascertain the truth of any news, lest you smite someone in ignorance and afterwards repent of what you did [49/6]
23. Do not follow blindly any information of which you have no direct knowledge. (Using your faculties of perception and conception) you must verify it for yourself. In the Court of your Lord, you will be held accountable for your hearing, sight, and the faculty of reasoning [17/36].
24. Never think that you have reached the final stage of knowledge and nobody knows more than yourself. Remember! Above everyone endowed with knowledge is another endowed with more knowledge [12/76]. Even the Prophet [p.b.u.h] was asked to keep praying, "O My sustainer! Advance me in knowledge." [20:114]
25. The believers are but a single Brotherhood. Live like members of one family, brothers and sisters unto one another [49/10].
26. Do not make mockery of others or ridicule others [49/11]
27. Do not defame others [49/11]
28. Do not insult others by nicknames [49/11]
29. Avoid suspicion and guesswork. Suspicion and guesswork might deplete your communal energy [49/12]
30. Spy not upon one another [49/12]
31. Do not backbite one another [49/12]
32. When you meet each other, offer good wishes and blessings for safety. One who conveys to you a message of safety and security and also when a courteous greeting is offered to you, meet it with a greeting still more courteous or (at least) of equal courtesy [4/86]
33. When you enter your own home or the home of somebody else, compliment the inmates [24/61]
34. Do not enter houses other than your own until you have sought permission; and then greet the inmates and wish them a life of blessing, purity and pleasure [24/27]
35. Treat kindly -Your parents-Relatives-The orphans-And those who have been left alone in the society [4/36]
36. Take care of -The needy,-The disabled-Those whose hard earned income is insufficient to meet their needs-And those whose businesses have stalled -And those who have lost their jobs. [4/36]
37. Treat kindly -Your related neighbours, and unrelated neighbours-Companions by your side in public gatherings, or public transportation. [4/36]
38. Be generous to the needy wayfarer, the homeless son of the street,and the one who reaches you in a destitute condition [4/36]
39. Be nice to people who work under your care. [4/36]
40. Do not follow up what you have given to others to afflict them with reminders of your generosity [2/262].
41. Do not expect a return for your good behaviour, not even thanks [76/9]
42. Cooperate with one another in good deeds and do not cooperate with others in evil and bad matters [5/2]
43. Do no try to impress people on account of self-proclaimed virtues [53/32]
44. You should enjoin right conduct on others but mend your own ways first. Actions speak louder than words. You must first practice good deeds yourself, then preach [2/44]
45. Correct yourself and your families first [before trying to correct others] [66/6]
46. Pardon gracefully if anyone among you who commits a bad deed out of ignorance, and then repents and amends [6/54, 3/134]
47. Divert and sublimate your anger and potentially virulent emotions to creative energy, and become a source of tranquillity and comfort to people [3/134]
48. Call people to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful exhortation. Reason with them most decently [16/125]
49. Leave to themselves those who do not give any importance to the Divine code and have adopted and consider it as mere play and amusement [6/70]
50. Sit not in the company of those who ridicule Divine Law unless they engage in some other conversation [4/140]
51. Do not be jealous of those who are blessed [4/54]
52. In your collective life, make rooms for others [58/11]
53. When invited to dine, Go at the appointed time. Do not arrive too early to wait for the preparation of meal or linger after eating to engage in bootless babble. Such things may cause inconvenience to the host [33/53]
54. Eat and drink [what is lawful] in moderation [7/31].
55. Do not squander your wealth senselessly [17/26]
56. Fulfil your promises and commitments [17/34]
57. Keep yourself clean, pure [9/108, 4/43, 5/6].
58. Dress-up in agreeable attire and adorn yourself with exquisite character from inside out [7/26]
59. Seek your provision only by fair endeavour [29/17, 2/188]
60. Do not devour the wealth and property of others unjustly, nor bribe the officials or the judges to deprive others of their possessions [2/188]
Monday, December 24, 2012
If Goals Make You Miserable Eliminate the Misery
http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2012/12/14/if-goals-make-you-miserable-eliminate-the-misery/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+thesimpledollar+%28The+Simple+Dollar%29
No human ever filled a vessel worse than the stomach
Author: Al-Haafidh Ibn Rajab al-Hanbalee
Source: Jaami' Al-'Uloom wal-Hikam, hadeeth no. 47
On the authority of Al-Miqdaam ibn Maadiy-Karib who said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah saying:
"No human ever filled a vessel worse than the stomach. Sufficient for any son of Aadam are some morsels to keep his back straight. But if it must be, then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for his breath." [Ahmad, At-Tirmidhee, An-Nasaa'ee, Ibn Maajah - hadeeth saheeh.]
1. Ibn Masaweh, a Muslim doctor, said after reading this hadeeth:
"If the people only used these words, they would avoid all diseases and maladies and the clinics and pharmacies would be idle."
2. Another doctor, Al-Harith ibn Kalada said:
"That which has killed mankind is the introduction of food on top of food before it has been digested."
3. As for spiritual benefits: humbleness of heart, strength of understanding, lessening of lower desires, lessening of personal opinions and anger, while overeating induces the opposites of all of those. Al-Hasan Al-Basree said:
"O, son of Adam, eat with one third of your stomach and drink with one third and leave one third of your stomach to breathe so that you may think."
4. Ibn Umar: A man said to Ibn Umar:
"Shouldn't I bring you some jawarish?" Ibn Umar said: "What is that?" He said: "Something which aids in digesting your food after you eat." Ibn Umar said: "I have not eaten to being full for four months. That is not because I am not able to do so, but I was with a group of people who were hungry more than they were full."
5. Not reaching your goals: Muhammad ibn Wasi said:
"Whoever eats little will understand and make others understand and will be clear and humble. Overeating weighs a person down and keeps him from much of what he wants [to accomplish]."
6. Al-Hasan Al-Basree:
"The test of Aadam, alayhis-salaam, was food and it is your test until Qiyama."
And, it used to be said:
"Whoever takes control of his stomach gets control of all good deeds."
And:
"Wisdom does not reside in a full stomach."
One day, Al-Hasan offered some food to his companion who said: "I have eaten until I am no longer able to eat." To which Al-Hasan said:
"SubhaanAllaah! Does a Muslim eat until he is no longer able to eat?"
7. Allaah grants this world to those whom He loves and those He does not love but only grants hunger to those whom he loves.
8. Ash-Shaafi'ee said:
"I have not filled myself in sixteen years because filling oneself makes the body heavy, removes clear understanding, induces sleep and makes one weak for worship."
9. In Bukhaaree and Muslim:
"The believer eats with one stomach while the kafir eats with seven stomachs."
Meaning: The believer eats with the manners of Islam and in moderation, while the kafir eats based on desires and gluttony and so he eats with seven stomachs.
10. Also:
"Food for one is enough for two and food for two is enough for three and food for three is enough for four."
11. Also: From Aa'ishah:
"The family of Muhammad (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) never filled themselves with wheat bread three days in a row from the time he came to Madeenah until he passed away."
12. A Muslim should not merely follow his appetites. Allaah said:
"Then, they were followed by generations who neglected the prayer and followed their appetites. They will encounter a pit of fire except for those who repent..." [Maryam 59-60]
13. The best generations did not:
"The best generation is my generation, followed by the one after them then the one after them. Then will come a people who bear witness but are not asked to bear witness, who swear oaths but do not fulfill them and fatness will appear among them." [Bukhaaree and Muslim]
14. From Abee Barza that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said:
"My greatest fear for you is the appetites of transgression with regard to your stomachs and your privates and the inclinations which lead astray." [Ahmad and others and its narrators are people of saheeh]
Source: Jaami' Al-'Uloom wal-Hikam, hadeeth no. 47
On the authority of Al-Miqdaam ibn Maadiy-Karib who said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah saying:
"No human ever filled a vessel worse than the stomach. Sufficient for any son of Aadam are some morsels to keep his back straight. But if it must be, then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for his breath." [Ahmad, At-Tirmidhee, An-Nasaa'ee, Ibn Maajah - hadeeth saheeh.]
1. Ibn Masaweh, a Muslim doctor, said after reading this hadeeth:
"If the people only used these words, they would avoid all diseases and maladies and the clinics and pharmacies would be idle."
2. Another doctor, Al-Harith ibn Kalada said:
"That which has killed mankind is the introduction of food on top of food before it has been digested."
3. As for spiritual benefits: humbleness of heart, strength of understanding, lessening of lower desires, lessening of personal opinions and anger, while overeating induces the opposites of all of those. Al-Hasan Al-Basree said:
"O, son of Adam, eat with one third of your stomach and drink with one third and leave one third of your stomach to breathe so that you may think."
4. Ibn Umar: A man said to Ibn Umar:
"Shouldn't I bring you some jawarish?" Ibn Umar said: "What is that?" He said: "Something which aids in digesting your food after you eat." Ibn Umar said: "I have not eaten to being full for four months. That is not because I am not able to do so, but I was with a group of people who were hungry more than they were full."
5. Not reaching your goals: Muhammad ibn Wasi said:
"Whoever eats little will understand and make others understand and will be clear and humble. Overeating weighs a person down and keeps him from much of what he wants [to accomplish]."
6. Al-Hasan Al-Basree:
"The test of Aadam, alayhis-salaam, was food and it is your test until Qiyama."
And, it used to be said:
"Whoever takes control of his stomach gets control of all good deeds."
And:
"Wisdom does not reside in a full stomach."
One day, Al-Hasan offered some food to his companion who said: "I have eaten until I am no longer able to eat." To which Al-Hasan said:
"SubhaanAllaah! Does a Muslim eat until he is no longer able to eat?"
7. Allaah grants this world to those whom He loves and those He does not love but only grants hunger to those whom he loves.
8. Ash-Shaafi'ee said:
"I have not filled myself in sixteen years because filling oneself makes the body heavy, removes clear understanding, induces sleep and makes one weak for worship."
9. In Bukhaaree and Muslim:
"The believer eats with one stomach while the kafir eats with seven stomachs."
Meaning: The believer eats with the manners of Islam and in moderation, while the kafir eats based on desires and gluttony and so he eats with seven stomachs.
10. Also:
"Food for one is enough for two and food for two is enough for three and food for three is enough for four."
11. Also: From Aa'ishah:
"The family of Muhammad (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) never filled themselves with wheat bread three days in a row from the time he came to Madeenah until he passed away."
12. A Muslim should not merely follow his appetites. Allaah said:
"Then, they were followed by generations who neglected the prayer and followed their appetites. They will encounter a pit of fire except for those who repent..." [Maryam 59-60]
13. The best generations did not:
"The best generation is my generation, followed by the one after them then the one after them. Then will come a people who bear witness but are not asked to bear witness, who swear oaths but do not fulfill them and fatness will appear among them." [Bukhaaree and Muslim]
14. From Abee Barza that the Prophet (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said:
"My greatest fear for you is the appetites of transgression with regard to your stomachs and your privates and the inclinations which lead astray." [Ahmad and others and its narrators are people of saheeh]
Friday, November 9, 2012
8 Things Successful People Do
http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/advisor/eight-things-remarkably-successful-people-do.html
Thursday, October 25, 2012
External Motivation Doesn’t Work
[Taken from the Simple Dollar]
Quite often, I’ve written about how my family has been a tremendous motivation for me.
My infant son was there at the moment I decided to get my financial house in order.
My daughter was there at the moment I decided to commit full-time to my writing.
My wife and children serve as a constant reminder of the things I want to change in my life.
The thing is, my family isn’t enough by themselves to provide adequate motivation for change in my life. They certainly help, don’t get me wrong, and they can often convince me to make a better choice in a given moment.
Lasting change, though, has to come from inside. If I’m not internally committed to doing something different, then it won’t happen.
I often look at motivation for change as being a lot like having a big rock at the top of a hill. My family might be enough to push that rock over the top and get it rolling down the hill, but the momentum of that rock comes from inside of me. It’s made up of my own desire for change.
If that’s the case, how do you make change happen in your life? I can’t comment on what motivates others, but I can certainly tell you what pushes me to make changes.
First, you’ve got to really tap into the problem. It isn’t enough to say that you want to lose weight or that you want to build up financial independence. You’ve got to understand why you’re not achieving those things right now and you’ve got to understand the dangers of staying on the current path.
The way to do that, at least through me, is studying the issues. If I stay on my current path, what will happen to me in a few years? What will my life look like if I don’t commit to change? Is that a future I want? Is that devastating future really worth the small pleasures of staying on the path I’m on?
Next, you’ve got to understand what the correct solution is. There are so many recipes out there for improving your wealth or losing weight or getting in shape. What’s the right one for your situation? Often, this involves digging into the core principles to see what is actually tried and true and really works for people.
Fad diets? No. “Millionaire by thirty” investment schemes? No. Spend the time to really understand what works.
Once you understand the solution, do everything you can to minimize the resistance to that solution. Throw out the food that doesn’t match what you should be eating. Pull money out of your checking account so it’s not so easily available for spending.
Then – and this is the most important part for me – put constant reminders everywhere of the reason you’re doing this. Put copies of your overdraft statement in your wallet. Put pictures of yourself at your fattest on the fridge. Put pictures of your heart exam on your candy stash. Put your student loan statement around your credit cards.
Your willpower makes all the difference, but you can take action to make the bar as low as possible. In the end, it’s up to you.
Quite often, I’ve written about how my family has been a tremendous motivation for me.
My infant son was there at the moment I decided to get my financial house in order.
My daughter was there at the moment I decided to commit full-time to my writing.
My wife and children serve as a constant reminder of the things I want to change in my life.
The thing is, my family isn’t enough by themselves to provide adequate motivation for change in my life. They certainly help, don’t get me wrong, and they can often convince me to make a better choice in a given moment.
Lasting change, though, has to come from inside. If I’m not internally committed to doing something different, then it won’t happen.
I often look at motivation for change as being a lot like having a big rock at the top of a hill. My family might be enough to push that rock over the top and get it rolling down the hill, but the momentum of that rock comes from inside of me. It’s made up of my own desire for change.
If that’s the case, how do you make change happen in your life? I can’t comment on what motivates others, but I can certainly tell you what pushes me to make changes.
First, you’ve got to really tap into the problem. It isn’t enough to say that you want to lose weight or that you want to build up financial independence. You’ve got to understand why you’re not achieving those things right now and you’ve got to understand the dangers of staying on the current path.
The way to do that, at least through me, is studying the issues. If I stay on my current path, what will happen to me in a few years? What will my life look like if I don’t commit to change? Is that a future I want? Is that devastating future really worth the small pleasures of staying on the path I’m on?
Next, you’ve got to understand what the correct solution is. There are so many recipes out there for improving your wealth or losing weight or getting in shape. What’s the right one for your situation? Often, this involves digging into the core principles to see what is actually tried and true and really works for people.
Fad diets? No. “Millionaire by thirty” investment schemes? No. Spend the time to really understand what works.
Once you understand the solution, do everything you can to minimize the resistance to that solution. Throw out the food that doesn’t match what you should be eating. Pull money out of your checking account so it’s not so easily available for spending.
Then – and this is the most important part for me – put constant reminders everywhere of the reason you’re doing this. Put copies of your overdraft statement in your wallet. Put pictures of yourself at your fattest on the fridge. Put pictures of your heart exam on your candy stash. Put your student loan statement around your credit cards.
Your willpower makes all the difference, but you can take action to make the bar as low as possible. In the end, it’s up to you.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
What’s the Reason?
[Taken from Simple Dollar]
As I mentioned several days ago, my uncle passed away. On Friday, I attended his funeral, where one of my uncle’s old friends spoke very eloquently.
After the service, I spoke to that friend of my uncle for a few moments. I thanked him for the words he had spoken and we reflected together for a bit. He left me with a brief statement that’s been floating in my mind for a while now: “Everyone and everything comes into your life for a reason.”
Why do you do the things you do? Why do you have the things that you have? Why do you spend time with the people that you spend time with? What are these things really bringing into your life?
If you can’t truly describe how those things bring a net positive into your life – or, in some cases, how your involvement is bringing about a net positive – then why are those things in your life?
It’s a good question to ask about everything in your life.
Usually, people apply it to the big things in their lives. Why do they have the job that they have? Why do they have the close relationships that they have?
I find it equally powerful to ask such questions about the little things. Why do I make the purchases that I make? Why do I have the professional acquaintances that I have? Why am I going to this particular social event?
Is there a real reason for any of these things?
When you start to ask real questions like this, you become something like a paleontologist, brushing away the unimportant things to reveal the true state of things buried underneath.
You start to reveal your true relationships – the ones that bring value for you and for the other person – and discard the ones that do not.
You start to use your money for purchases that are actually useful for you, and put aside the money that you might waste on purchases that aren’t useful.
It’s such a simple question. What’s the reason? The better your answer, the better off you are.
Spend some time today to think about that question. Think about the big things in your life and ask yourself what the reason is that you have it in your life. Then look at some of the smaller things with the same question in mind. Realize that not having a good answer to the question is a useful thing, because it tells you that you might want to consider some different choices in your life.
As I mentioned several days ago, my uncle passed away. On Friday, I attended his funeral, where one of my uncle’s old friends spoke very eloquently.
After the service, I spoke to that friend of my uncle for a few moments. I thanked him for the words he had spoken and we reflected together for a bit. He left me with a brief statement that’s been floating in my mind for a while now: “Everyone and everything comes into your life for a reason.”
Why do you do the things you do? Why do you have the things that you have? Why do you spend time with the people that you spend time with? What are these things really bringing into your life?
If you can’t truly describe how those things bring a net positive into your life – or, in some cases, how your involvement is bringing about a net positive – then why are those things in your life?
It’s a good question to ask about everything in your life.
Usually, people apply it to the big things in their lives. Why do they have the job that they have? Why do they have the close relationships that they have?
I find it equally powerful to ask such questions about the little things. Why do I make the purchases that I make? Why do I have the professional acquaintances that I have? Why am I going to this particular social event?
Is there a real reason for any of these things?
When you start to ask real questions like this, you become something like a paleontologist, brushing away the unimportant things to reveal the true state of things buried underneath.
You start to reveal your true relationships – the ones that bring value for you and for the other person – and discard the ones that do not.
You start to use your money for purchases that are actually useful for you, and put aside the money that you might waste on purchases that aren’t useful.
It’s such a simple question. What’s the reason? The better your answer, the better off you are.
Spend some time today to think about that question. Think about the big things in your life and ask yourself what the reason is that you have it in your life. Then look at some of the smaller things with the same question in mind. Realize that not having a good answer to the question is a useful thing, because it tells you that you might want to consider some different choices in your life.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Being Under Satan's Yoke
By : Anonymous
(This article is a little abstract in nature but it illustrates the points quite well )
Satan called a worldwide convention In his opening address to his evil servants, he said,
"We can't keep the Muslims from going to Mosque. We can't keep them from reading the Quran and knowing the truth. We can't even keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship experience with Allah. If they gain that connection with Allah, our power over them is broken.
So let them go to the mosques, let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time, so they can't gain that relationship with Allah.
This is what I want you to do, servants. Distract them from gaining hold of their creator and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"
"How shall we do this?" shouted his servants.
"Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered. "Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6 - 7 days a week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their family fragments, soon, their home will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice. Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive, to keep the TV, VCR CDs and their PCs going constantly in their homes. And see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-Islamic music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Allah."
"Fill the coffee table with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogues, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and emotional offering of free products, services, and false hopes. Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines so the husbands will believe that external beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. Ha! That will fragment those families quickly!"
"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive. Have them return from their recreation exhausted, disquieted, and unprepared for the coming week. Don't let them go out in nature to reflect on God's wonders. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, concerts and movies instead.
Keep them busy, busy, busy!! And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotions."
"Go ahead, let them be involved in soul winning. But crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Allah. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause. It will work! It will work!
It was quite a convention. And the evil servants went eagerly to their assignments causing Muslims everywhere to get busy, busy, busy and to rush here and there.
I guess the question is: has the devil been successful at his scheme?
You be the judge! Friends, this message was sent to me by someone who cares and thought I could share it with you. Please take heed of the message it brings:
B - Being
U - Under
S - Satan's
Y - Yoke
Did you find this whole thing 'funny'? Then please read on the 'funnier' part...
It's Funny how simple it is for people to trash Allah(swt) and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the zionist controlled or other media reports say, but question about the sayings of the Qur'an.
Funny how we get glued on to the TV screens to hear all the details of the Lewinsky testimony but feel drowsy while khutba's are being read in the mosques.
Funny how we strive for being in the front rows of a concert but are contended to be in the last rows during the Friday prayers.
Funny how someone can say "I believe in Allah" but still follow Satan.
Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Allah(swt), people think twice about sharing.
Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Islam is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Funny how someone can be so fired up for Islam on Friday, but be an invisible Muslim the rest of the week.
Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not sent it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what Allah thinks of me.
Funny how Muslims are confident of their entry into heaven even though they don't tend to believe, think, say, or do anything the Qur'an says.
Are you still amused?
(This article is a little abstract in nature but it illustrates the points quite well )
Satan called a worldwide convention In his opening address to his evil servants, he said,
"We can't keep the Muslims from going to Mosque. We can't keep them from reading the Quran and knowing the truth. We can't even keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship experience with Allah. If they gain that connection with Allah, our power over them is broken.
So let them go to the mosques, let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time, so they can't gain that relationship with Allah.
This is what I want you to do, servants. Distract them from gaining hold of their creator and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"
"How shall we do this?" shouted his servants.
"Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered. "Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6 - 7 days a week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their family fragments, soon, their home will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice. Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive, to keep the TV, VCR CDs and their PCs going constantly in their homes. And see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-Islamic music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Allah."
"Fill the coffee table with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogues, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and emotional offering of free products, services, and false hopes. Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines so the husbands will believe that external beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. Ha! That will fragment those families quickly!"
"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive. Have them return from their recreation exhausted, disquieted, and unprepared for the coming week. Don't let them go out in nature to reflect on God's wonders. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, concerts and movies instead.
Keep them busy, busy, busy!! And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotions."
"Go ahead, let them be involved in soul winning. But crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Allah. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause. It will work! It will work!
It was quite a convention. And the evil servants went eagerly to their assignments causing Muslims everywhere to get busy, busy, busy and to rush here and there.
I guess the question is: has the devil been successful at his scheme?
You be the judge! Friends, this message was sent to me by someone who cares and thought I could share it with you. Please take heed of the message it brings:
B - Being
U - Under
S - Satan's
Y - Yoke
Did you find this whole thing 'funny'? Then please read on the 'funnier' part...
It's Funny how simple it is for people to trash Allah(swt) and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the zionist controlled or other media reports say, but question about the sayings of the Qur'an.
Funny how we get glued on to the TV screens to hear all the details of the Lewinsky testimony but feel drowsy while khutba's are being read in the mosques.
Funny how we strive for being in the front rows of a concert but are contended to be in the last rows during the Friday prayers.
Funny how someone can say "I believe in Allah" but still follow Satan.
Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Allah(swt), people think twice about sharing.
Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Islam is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Funny how someone can be so fired up for Islam on Friday, but be an invisible Muslim the rest of the week.
Funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not sent it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.
Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what Allah thinks of me.
Funny how Muslims are confident of their entry into heaven even though they don't tend to believe, think, say, or do anything the Qur'an says.
Are you still amused?
Saturday, October 6, 2012
3 Pieces of Advice for the One who Pray
KNOW THAT ALLAH PAYS ATTENTION TO YOUR PRAYER
“Allah (SWT) faces the servant during prayer as long as he does not turn away.” “… If he turns away, Allah (SWT) turns away from him.” (Abu Dawud)
‘Turn away’ means:
1) Turning away in heart, which means getting distracted and thinking of other things, and
2) Turning away with sight, looking up or left and right.
KNOW THAT ALLAH RESPONDS TO YOUR PRAYER
“And your Lord says, ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you” (Qur’an, 40:60)
Quoted in Muslim: Allah (SWT) has said: “I have divided the prayer between Myself and My servant, into two halves, and My servant shall have what he has asked for. When the servant says, “[All] praise is [due] to Allah , Lord of the worlds,” Allah says, “My servant has praised Me.” (more..)
DON’T LIE IN YOUR PRAYER
We start our prayer by saying Allahu Akbar which means Allah is greater than. We say it multiple times in the prayer.
Question: Allah is greater than what?
Answer: Allah is greater than anything else
Within the prayer nothing is more important than Allah - no Dunya, no job, no money, no other thought, nothing.
If we say Allhu Akbar and then start thinking about something else then we are essentially lying in the prayer. We uttered Allahu Akbar but we did not mean it.
Allah (SWT) will then ask an angel to draw a curtain between Him & the person who came to meet with him but is now busy thinking about something else but Him.
“Allah (SWT) faces the servant during prayer as long as he does not turn away.” “… If he turns away, Allah (SWT) turns away from him.” (Abu Dawud)
‘Turn away’ means:
1) Turning away in heart, which means getting distracted and thinking of other things, and
2) Turning away with sight, looking up or left and right.
KNOW THAT ALLAH RESPONDS TO YOUR PRAYER
“And your Lord says, ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you” (Qur’an, 40:60)
Quoted in Muslim: Allah (SWT) has said: “I have divided the prayer between Myself and My servant, into two halves, and My servant shall have what he has asked for. When the servant says, “[All] praise is [due] to Allah , Lord of the worlds,” Allah says, “My servant has praised Me.” (more..)
DON’T LIE IN YOUR PRAYER
We start our prayer by saying Allahu Akbar which means Allah is greater than. We say it multiple times in the prayer.
Question: Allah is greater than what?
Answer: Allah is greater than anything else
Within the prayer nothing is more important than Allah - no Dunya, no job, no money, no other thought, nothing.
If we say Allhu Akbar and then start thinking about something else then we are essentially lying in the prayer. We uttered Allahu Akbar but we did not mean it.
Allah (SWT) will then ask an angel to draw a curtain between Him & the person who came to meet with him but is now busy thinking about something else but Him.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The Angel of Death
It was early in the morning at four, When death knocked upon a bedroom door.
Who is there? The sleeping one cried. I'm Malkul Maut, let me inside.
At once, the man began to shiver, As one sweating in deadly fever,
He shouted to his sleeping wife, Don't let him take away my life.
Please go away, O Angel of Death! Leave me alone; I'm not ready yet.
My parents and family on me depends, Give me a chance, O please prepense!
The angel knocked again and again, Friend! I'll take your life without a pain,
Tis your soul Allah requires, I come not with my own desires..
Bewildered, the man began to cry, O Angel I'm so afraid to die,
I'll give you gold and be your slave, Don't send me to the unlit grave.
Let me in, O Friend! The Angel said, Open the door; get up from your bed,
If you do not allow me in, I will walk through it, like a Jinn.
The man held a gun in his hand, Ready to defy the Angel's stand..
I'll point my gun, towards your head, You dare come in; I'll shoot you dead.
By now the Angel was in the room, Saying, O Friend! Prepare for you doom.
Foolish man, Angels never die, Put down your gun and do not sigh.
Why are you afraid! Tell me O man, To die according to Allah's plan?
Come smile at me, do not be grim, Be Happy, to return to Him.
O Angel! I bow my head in shame; I had no time to take Allah's Name.
From morning till dusk, I made my wealth, Not even caring for my own health.
Allah's command I never obeyed, Nor five times a day I ever prayed.
Ramadan came and a Ramadan went, But I had no time to repent.
The Hajj was already FARD on me, But I would not part with my money.
All charities I did ignore, Taking usury more and more.
Sometimes I sipped my favorite wine, With flirting women I sat to dine...
O Angel! I appeal to you, Spare my life for a year or two.
The Laws of Quran I will obey, I'll begin my SALAT this very day.
My Fast and Hajj, I will complete, And keep away from self-conceit.
I will refrain from usury, And give all my wealth to charity,
Wine and wenches I will detest, Allah's oneness I will attest.
We Angels do what Allah demands, We cannot go against His commands..
Death is ordained for everyone, Father, mother, daughter or son.
I'm afraid this moment is your last, Now be reminded, of your past,
Do understand your dreadful fears, But it is now too late for your tears.
You lived in this world, two score and more, Never did to you, your people adore.
Your parents, you did not obey, Hungry beggars, you turned away.
Your two ill-gotten, female offspring, In nightclubs, for livelihood they sing.
Instead of making many more Muslims, You made your children non-Muslims?
You did ignore the Mua'dhin Adhaan, Nor did you read the Holy Quran.
Breaking promises all your life, Backbiting friends, and causing strife.
From hoarded goods, great profits you made, And for your poor workers, you underpaid.
Horses and cars were your leisure, Moneymaking was your pleasure.
You ate vitamins and grew more fat, With the very sick, you never sat.
A pint of blood you never gave, Which could a little baby save?
O Human, you have done enough wrong, You bought good properties for a song.
When the farmers appealed to you, You did not have mercy, tis true.
Paradise for you? I cannot tell, Undoubtedly you will dwell in hell.
There is no time for you to repent, I'll take your soul for which I am sent.
The ending however, is very sad, Eventually the man became mad
With a cry, he jumped out of bed, And suddenly, he fell down dead.
O Reader! Take moral from here, You never know, your end may be near.
Change your living and make amends For heaven, on your deeds depends.
if this poem inspires you, It can help someone too.
At least take sometime, and do not ban And send it to as many people as you can.
This poem may change many lives, And Allah may have for you a great surprise.
Who is there? The sleeping one cried. I'm Malkul Maut, let me inside.
At once, the man began to shiver, As one sweating in deadly fever,
He shouted to his sleeping wife, Don't let him take away my life.
Please go away, O Angel of Death! Leave me alone; I'm not ready yet.
My parents and family on me depends, Give me a chance, O please prepense!
The angel knocked again and again, Friend! I'll take your life without a pain,
Tis your soul Allah requires, I come not with my own desires..
Bewildered, the man began to cry, O Angel I'm so afraid to die,
I'll give you gold and be your slave, Don't send me to the unlit grave.
Let me in, O Friend! The Angel said, Open the door; get up from your bed,
If you do not allow me in, I will walk through it, like a Jinn.
The man held a gun in his hand, Ready to defy the Angel's stand..
I'll point my gun, towards your head, You dare come in; I'll shoot you dead.
By now the Angel was in the room, Saying, O Friend! Prepare for you doom.
Foolish man, Angels never die, Put down your gun and do not sigh.
Why are you afraid! Tell me O man, To die according to Allah's plan?
Come smile at me, do not be grim, Be Happy, to return to Him.
O Angel! I bow my head in shame; I had no time to take Allah's Name.
From morning till dusk, I made my wealth, Not even caring for my own health.
Allah's command I never obeyed, Nor five times a day I ever prayed.
Ramadan came and a Ramadan went, But I had no time to repent.
The Hajj was already FARD on me, But I would not part with my money.
All charities I did ignore, Taking usury more and more.
Sometimes I sipped my favorite wine, With flirting women I sat to dine...
O Angel! I appeal to you, Spare my life for a year or two.
The Laws of Quran I will obey, I'll begin my SALAT this very day.
My Fast and Hajj, I will complete, And keep away from self-conceit.
I will refrain from usury, And give all my wealth to charity,
Wine and wenches I will detest, Allah's oneness I will attest.
We Angels do what Allah demands, We cannot go against His commands..
Death is ordained for everyone, Father, mother, daughter or son.
I'm afraid this moment is your last, Now be reminded, of your past,
Do understand your dreadful fears, But it is now too late for your tears.
You lived in this world, two score and more, Never did to you, your people adore.
Your parents, you did not obey, Hungry beggars, you turned away.
Your two ill-gotten, female offspring, In nightclubs, for livelihood they sing.
Instead of making many more Muslims, You made your children non-Muslims?
You did ignore the Mua'dhin Adhaan, Nor did you read the Holy Quran.
Breaking promises all your life, Backbiting friends, and causing strife.
From hoarded goods, great profits you made, And for your poor workers, you underpaid.
Horses and cars were your leisure, Moneymaking was your pleasure.
You ate vitamins and grew more fat, With the very sick, you never sat.
A pint of blood you never gave, Which could a little baby save?
O Human, you have done enough wrong, You bought good properties for a song.
When the farmers appealed to you, You did not have mercy, tis true.
Paradise for you? I cannot tell, Undoubtedly you will dwell in hell.
There is no time for you to repent, I'll take your soul for which I am sent.
The ending however, is very sad, Eventually the man became mad
With a cry, he jumped out of bed, And suddenly, he fell down dead.
O Reader! Take moral from here, You never know, your end may be near.
Change your living and make amends For heaven, on your deeds depends.
if this poem inspires you, It can help someone too.
At least take sometime, and do not ban And send it to as many people as you can.
This poem may change many lives, And Allah may have for you a great surprise.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Ideas For Studying Quran At Mosque Like A Pro
Ideas For Studying Quran At Mosque Like A Pro
Monday, 12 September 2011
In the name of God, compassionate, merciful بسم الله الرØمن الرØيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم
When you're 7 years old and sat on the floor of a shed-like building adopted for the madrasa, you do slip into an unanswerable thought of an unquenched mind. "Why is after-school mosque so boring? How come school, that's longer and more far away, is really fun and you get to play?
But the only happy time is on Fridays when Ustadh gives us a reward for leaving."
I didn't hate mosque teaching. Mosques are the go-between steps from our first education with our parents, to being raised by state schools. But I had justified my dislike of an institution that used chalkboards for data storage, and public Qur'an recitals as disciplinary action. I resigned from madrasa aged 9.
Studying the Qur'an to this day still excites me. It's exciting in the way a theme park is. Our mosques in Britain have kept the tradition of traditions yet a majority of them lack the basic attitude required to invite new minds: enthusiasm.
When iPads and retina scans are the paper and ink of our state schools, I desperately want to see more resources being used in mosques. And I believe it begins with a more creative approach to presenting the Qur'an. Whether the student is aged 5 or 40.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said,
"The deen (lifestyle) of Islam is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So follow a middle course (in worship), but try to be near to perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshipping in the mornings, and some part of the night." (Bukhari)
Idea: Use Qur'an apps and create posters
I memorise Qur'an quite basically using the mushaf, the text book copy, and study it using contemporary technologies - whatever is available to me, computers, mp3s and apps. Nothing beats holding the book itself though.
What you need to make Qur'an learning awesomely fun
Coloured markers, pencils, highlighters, stationery, crayons
Binders, flash cards, poster paper, tabbed project books, hifdh log book
White boards, illustrated Arabic alphabet guides, sticky notes, zipped folders
MP3 player, Qur'an CDs, simple Qur'an translations, audio recorder
A computer, Microsoft Office software, USBs
Idea: An illustrated Qur'an
For the message to penetrate a young heart so it's permanent, the person has to be constantly engaged with it. Breaking down chapters into mind-maps and posters to hang on the mosque wall makes a school-like environment of visual learning.
After a reading and memorising session more hands-on activity needs to take place. Computer tests, Qur'an board games, connective "trump" cards to jog a child's memory are what my parents and I already use (we're a bunch of teachers).
Using active tools is for kinesthetic learning and it's a predominant learning style (especially in boys) so unless the Qur'an reader has a groupie to sit and regularly recite to, the words will jumble around without implementation in real life.
On MUSLIMNESS we interviewed the 'Reading With Meaning' photographer who recreated each Qur'an ayat using Lego. That's innovative learning and it enhances the message.
Read {20 Time Management Tips For Muslims}
Idea: Keep tabs on your Qur'an
Both students and teachers have to find the Qur'an contents captivating in a similar style. It's not enough that the teacher is spiritually in love with the Holy book - how does this love transcend to a mind in order to broaden his or her thinking?
A simple investment in 'Dhikr Notes helps the student mark out similar themes, goals to achieve, and duas or verses to learn. Larger post-it notes can be used as book marks and do underline areas for improvement. Teachers can list strengths and weaknesses in a planner for the child to show parents. Simple reports are already in use throughout mosques and with a little expansion, a high quality table format using a PC can be sent home periodically to say, "your child's done all this, masha'Allah!"
Never, ever, ever write in your Qur'an with a pen! Encourage your students and yourself to make notes in the blank margin of a translation in pencil. A notebook should be used as a homework planner, to jot important references and to take down tafsir. If you've taken a break from Qur'an reading in a state of wudhu, get a translation and read up on the prophets' stories - Surah Yusuf, the romance between Musa `alayhisalam and his wife Safura, the difficulties of Prophet Ayoub `alayhisalam, and qualities of Heaven, life after death, halal food and environmental practices. It's all there in that Glorious Book. You just need to find and remember it.
And to achieve this, we invest in colour, marker pens and a whole lotta drawing.
Idea: Organise your Qur'an
I got a hold of an A6 sized binder made specifically for flash cards (note cards, revision cads, whatever you want to call them). It's about 15 cm in length, is slightly larger than a travel size Qur'an and is perfect for older students who are memorising the holy book.
Qur'an hifdh memorisation traditionally begins with a qualified teacher who has ijaza. He or she must ensure the students use the same large print copy of the Qur'an, are recapping each verse daily without break and are engaged with the text, using appropriate creative methods.
After I've memorised a few verses I like to get them checked by my teachers. I repeat them to everyone I know, and I will record my recitation to keep a log of mistakes and corrections. I will also copy out the Arabic to understand how the words are connected what each letter means. For children, a hifdh log book is a fantastic idea, available from Learning Roots. *Review to follow.
I take my travel size Qur'an (10cm) to weddings, on trips and public transport
Eventually, when the memorisation and applciation of higher level tajweed and translation is complete, you want to condense it down. It needs to be in a "documented file" in your brain so reading the Arabic text alone, you're able to give a talk on a chapter or a theme and create entertaining powerpoint presentations to show children the content.
For myself, flash cards are the peak of learning as I use just one card to bullet point the entire history, context, message and Arabic linguistics of one chapter - mostly those shorter chapters in the 30th 'juz, volume of the Qur'an.
Surah al-Maun for example is a 7 versed chapter in the 30th 'juz, related to charity. It compares the believers who worship God through physical prayer only to appear pious, with those who are real tight (mean) with their generosity towards orphans and the needy.
After memorisation, a study period of tafsir, interprepation and explanation, all I need are two keywords to bring forward the whole chapter in my mind.
1. Ya du`u = (ÙŠَدُعُّ) a verb that comes from the root da`a (دَعَّ) and means to "repel, repulse, thrust, push back and drive away with violence".
2. Ya Huddu = (ÙŠَØُضُّ) another verb, is from the root word hadda (Øَضَّ) meaning to "encourage, urge, pull, inspire."
Ya huddu: encourage, is mentioned in verse 3 and is the exact opposite of ya du`u in verse 2: repel. For me, these two words represent the core of the chapter which is why I focused on them.
I wrote these two verses out, highlighting the two keywords and connecting them with their meanings. Surah Maun is in my head but I can recall some of the detailed meaning from beginning to end using one flash card.
Now that's exciting.
Monday, 12 September 2011
In the name of God, compassionate, merciful بسم الله الرØمن الرØيمِ | Peace be with you السلام عليكم
When you're 7 years old and sat on the floor of a shed-like building adopted for the madrasa, you do slip into an unanswerable thought of an unquenched mind. "Why is after-school mosque so boring? How come school, that's longer and more far away, is really fun and you get to play?
But the only happy time is on Fridays when Ustadh gives us a reward for leaving."
I didn't hate mosque teaching. Mosques are the go-between steps from our first education with our parents, to being raised by state schools. But I had justified my dislike of an institution that used chalkboards for data storage, and public Qur'an recitals as disciplinary action. I resigned from madrasa aged 9.
Studying the Qur'an to this day still excites me. It's exciting in the way a theme park is. Our mosques in Britain have kept the tradition of traditions yet a majority of them lack the basic attitude required to invite new minds: enthusiasm.
When iPads and retina scans are the paper and ink of our state schools, I desperately want to see more resources being used in mosques. And I believe it begins with a more creative approach to presenting the Qur'an. Whether the student is aged 5 or 40.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said,
"The deen (lifestyle) of Islam is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So follow a middle course (in worship), but try to be near to perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshipping in the mornings, and some part of the night." (Bukhari)
Idea: Use Qur'an apps and create posters
I memorise Qur'an quite basically using the mushaf, the text book copy, and study it using contemporary technologies - whatever is available to me, computers, mp3s and apps. Nothing beats holding the book itself though.
What you need to make Qur'an learning awesomely fun
Coloured markers, pencils, highlighters, stationery, crayons
Binders, flash cards, poster paper, tabbed project books, hifdh log book
White boards, illustrated Arabic alphabet guides, sticky notes, zipped folders
MP3 player, Qur'an CDs, simple Qur'an translations, audio recorder
A computer, Microsoft Office software, USBs
Idea: An illustrated Qur'an
For the message to penetrate a young heart so it's permanent, the person has to be constantly engaged with it. Breaking down chapters into mind-maps and posters to hang on the mosque wall makes a school-like environment of visual learning.
After a reading and memorising session more hands-on activity needs to take place. Computer tests, Qur'an board games, connective "trump" cards to jog a child's memory are what my parents and I already use (we're a bunch of teachers).
Using active tools is for kinesthetic learning and it's a predominant learning style (especially in boys) so unless the Qur'an reader has a groupie to sit and regularly recite to, the words will jumble around without implementation in real life.
On MUSLIMNESS we interviewed the 'Reading With Meaning' photographer who recreated each Qur'an ayat using Lego. That's innovative learning and it enhances the message.
Read {20 Time Management Tips For Muslims}
Idea: Keep tabs on your Qur'an
Both students and teachers have to find the Qur'an contents captivating in a similar style. It's not enough that the teacher is spiritually in love with the Holy book - how does this love transcend to a mind in order to broaden his or her thinking?
A simple investment in 'Dhikr Notes helps the student mark out similar themes, goals to achieve, and duas or verses to learn. Larger post-it notes can be used as book marks and do underline areas for improvement. Teachers can list strengths and weaknesses in a planner for the child to show parents. Simple reports are already in use throughout mosques and with a little expansion, a high quality table format using a PC can be sent home periodically to say, "your child's done all this, masha'Allah!"
Never, ever, ever write in your Qur'an with a pen! Encourage your students and yourself to make notes in the blank margin of a translation in pencil. A notebook should be used as a homework planner, to jot important references and to take down tafsir. If you've taken a break from Qur'an reading in a state of wudhu, get a translation and read up on the prophets' stories - Surah Yusuf, the romance between Musa `alayhisalam and his wife Safura, the difficulties of Prophet Ayoub `alayhisalam, and qualities of Heaven, life after death, halal food and environmental practices. It's all there in that Glorious Book. You just need to find and remember it.
And to achieve this, we invest in colour, marker pens and a whole lotta drawing.
Idea: Organise your Qur'an
I got a hold of an A6 sized binder made specifically for flash cards (note cards, revision cads, whatever you want to call them). It's about 15 cm in length, is slightly larger than a travel size Qur'an and is perfect for older students who are memorising the holy book.
Qur'an hifdh memorisation traditionally begins with a qualified teacher who has ijaza. He or she must ensure the students use the same large print copy of the Qur'an, are recapping each verse daily without break and are engaged with the text, using appropriate creative methods.
After I've memorised a few verses I like to get them checked by my teachers. I repeat them to everyone I know, and I will record my recitation to keep a log of mistakes and corrections. I will also copy out the Arabic to understand how the words are connected what each letter means. For children, a hifdh log book is a fantastic idea, available from Learning Roots. *Review to follow.
I take my travel size Qur'an (10cm) to weddings, on trips and public transport
Eventually, when the memorisation and applciation of higher level tajweed and translation is complete, you want to condense it down. It needs to be in a "documented file" in your brain so reading the Arabic text alone, you're able to give a talk on a chapter or a theme and create entertaining powerpoint presentations to show children the content.
For myself, flash cards are the peak of learning as I use just one card to bullet point the entire history, context, message and Arabic linguistics of one chapter - mostly those shorter chapters in the 30th 'juz, volume of the Qur'an.
Surah al-Maun for example is a 7 versed chapter in the 30th 'juz, related to charity. It compares the believers who worship God through physical prayer only to appear pious, with those who are real tight (mean) with their generosity towards orphans and the needy.
After memorisation, a study period of tafsir, interprepation and explanation, all I need are two keywords to bring forward the whole chapter in my mind.
1. Ya du`u = (ÙŠَدُعُّ) a verb that comes from the root da`a (دَعَّ) and means to "repel, repulse, thrust, push back and drive away with violence".
2. Ya Huddu = (ÙŠَØُضُّ) another verb, is from the root word hadda (Øَضَّ) meaning to "encourage, urge, pull, inspire."
Ya huddu: encourage, is mentioned in verse 3 and is the exact opposite of ya du`u in verse 2: repel. For me, these two words represent the core of the chapter which is why I focused on them.
I wrote these two verses out, highlighting the two keywords and connecting them with their meanings. Surah Maun is in my head but I can recall some of the detailed meaning from beginning to end using one flash card.
Now that's exciting.
7 Attributes that Matter
[Taken from Simple Dollar]
A while back, I sat down to make a list of the attributes of the people I consider to be great people. I could give you a long list of them, from Theodore Roosevelt and Mahatma Gandhi to my dad, but the point isn’t so much the list of people but the attributes of those people.
The people I admire are usually people who made something great from auspicious backgrounds or stepped up to the plate during challenging moments or were able to find incredible success in different areas. Some of them were rich and others were poor. Many of them paired traits I admired with traits that I didn’t (like Steve Jobs).
I was trying to figure out what made each of them great. In each case, the list was somewhat different. I would try to think of several traits that would make one person great, then find myself making a different list for another person.
When I was doing this, I found myself looking for patterns. I found no two people had all of the same traits, but I began to find lots of overlap between people. I’d see some of the same traits popping up over and over again.
Eventually, I began to realize that there were seven traits that kept showing up again and again in the people I admired the most. None of them had all of these traits, but they were shared so often among the people I considered that I began to see them as seven attributes that really matter. If you have these attributes inside of you or, even more importantly, are willing to work to improve yourself in these areas, I think you’ll find a path to whatever your dreams may hold.
Lately, these seven traits have become something of a self-improvement checklist of mine. I hope they do for you, too.
Self-Belief
Self-belief simply means that you believe you can accomplish things. When you see a difficult task before you, do you start convincing yourself that you can’t do it or do you start looking for a way to make it happen? Self-belief is, of course, the latter.
Without self-belief, it becomes very hard to take on large challenges in your life. Instead, you’ll avoid the challenges, seeking easier paths which won’t be particularly rewarding.
How can you build self-belief? The easiest way is to show yourself that you can do it. Start challenging yourself with personal projects that aren’t easy (but that are actually achievable). Can you walk 2,000 miles this year? Can you write a novel before the end of March? Set that plan down and focus all your energy on making it happen. The more you achieve, the more your self-belief will grow.
Humility
Of course, it’s easy for self-belief to turn into arrogance, which is a dangerous trait to have. You can easily begin to believe that you are the secret sauce that makes things happen and that you make the world go around.
Sorry, it’s not true.
Humility simply means that you understand that the world doesn’t begin and end with you. Virtually everything in your life is a collaboration. As I type this post, I’m relying on software from Microsoft and Apple and several open source projects. The ideas that flow through my head came through countless sources. The inspiration for this post was other people. I know that I am merely a small part of the reason for the success of this site or this article, and without those tools and things created by others, I wouldn’t be here and there would be no Simple Dollar.
A good way to practice humility is to think about how many people had to be involved to bring you the things you take for granted. Start with the device you’re reading this on. Who made it? Who wrote the software that runs on it? All of those people deserve some credit for making what you’re doing right now happen. You’re actually just a very tiny part of that exchange.
Self-Reliance
Let’s turn this rock over again and look at another facet: self-reliance. Self-reliance simply means that you’re able to come up with solutions to problems with as little direct outside help as possible. A self-reliant person is willing and able to fix their own toilet, grow their own food, and figure out what they’re supposed to do next.
Self-reliance combines well with self-belief. Self-belief means you think you can do anything. Self-reliance means you’re able to start coming up with methods to actually do it without someone guiding you.
How do you improve self-reliance? Start taking on tasks that you think might be difficult. Yes, you might mess them up. Yes, that’s okay. The key is that you’re trying to do things on your own and, more often than not, you’re succeeding at them. Self-reliance becomes something of a snowball rolling down the mountain, where you start to tie achieved tasks together and before you know it, you’re planning large projects on the fly.
Love of Learning
A key part of one’s ability to succeed in any area is knowledge acquisition. Do you know what’s going on in that area? Do you know the people involved? Do you have a thorough base of knowledge upon which you can interact with other people driven to succeed?
Obviously, one can acquire knowledge without enjoying the process, but a love of learning certainly makes the process easier. If you love learning, then the thought of tackling something new in order to understand it in depth sounds exciting. You can’t wait to get started!
My perspective has been that a love of knowledge is often a snowball effect. If you start off just picking one topic you really want to understand and focus on learning more about that topic, you often tend to slowly spread into other topics. Eventually, learning itself becomes a joyful journey.
Adaptability
Situations change. Opportunities appear and disappear. One day you find yourself in a scientific research field, another you find yourself being a writer on financial topics (not that I’m speaking from experience or anything…).
Some people are able to roll with the punches. If the problems and the situations change, then they change their tactics to go along with it. Others just lock down in uncertain and changing situations.
The more adaptable you are to change, the more likely you are to succeed at whatever life throws at you.
Adaptability, of course, draws on self-reliance, but they differ in one key aspect: adaptability sometimes causes you to inherently rely on others. Self-reliance, in a way, is just a key tool for adaptability.
How do you build adaptability? The key is to watch your own behavior. When a situation changes, do you respond by retreating into your shell? If you do, make a very focused effort to come out of that shell and just deal with the new situation. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Passion
By passion, I mean that whatever it is that you choose to be doing, you get swept away in it. It consumes your thoughts. It brings you incredible joy when you’re doing it, particularly when you see improvement at it.
When you wake up in the morning, you’re raring to get started on that thing you’re passionate about. When you go to bed, it fills your thoughts until you go to sleep.
Some people are prone to passion. Others are more withdrawn. Yet, time and time again, when I witness someone doing something great, passion is at work.
How can you build passion? The key, really, is just letting go of a sense that you shouldn’t dive in deep. So often, I see people afraid to be passionate because of the cultural constraints around them. They don’t want to be a “nerd.” So often, though, the people who do amazing things are nerds. Their passion drives them to do something special. Let go. Be a nerd.
Detail-Oriented Focus
When you work, do you find yourself focusing hard on the project at hand? Do you often notice details that other people miss? Do you want the details to be right when you care about a project? Can you get so involved with a project that wild horses can barely drag you away?
A person who can answer “yes” to those questions has detail-oriented focus. They have the ability to take something they’re working on and make it great.
Detail-oriented focus can be built by training one’s attention span. Start by eliminating all distractions when you’re working on a project. When you find yourself daydreaming, take a break and do something else for a while, then go back into focus mode. The more you practice this, the better you’ll get at focusing. You’ll eventually be able to reach what I call “the zone,” where time just seems to slip away as I focus on a project.
These seven traits pop up in some combination in every great person that I know. They’ll lead you to success, too.
A while back, I sat down to make a list of the attributes of the people I consider to be great people. I could give you a long list of them, from Theodore Roosevelt and Mahatma Gandhi to my dad, but the point isn’t so much the list of people but the attributes of those people.
The people I admire are usually people who made something great from auspicious backgrounds or stepped up to the plate during challenging moments or were able to find incredible success in different areas. Some of them were rich and others were poor. Many of them paired traits I admired with traits that I didn’t (like Steve Jobs).
I was trying to figure out what made each of them great. In each case, the list was somewhat different. I would try to think of several traits that would make one person great, then find myself making a different list for another person.
When I was doing this, I found myself looking for patterns. I found no two people had all of the same traits, but I began to find lots of overlap between people. I’d see some of the same traits popping up over and over again.
Eventually, I began to realize that there were seven traits that kept showing up again and again in the people I admired the most. None of them had all of these traits, but they were shared so often among the people I considered that I began to see them as seven attributes that really matter. If you have these attributes inside of you or, even more importantly, are willing to work to improve yourself in these areas, I think you’ll find a path to whatever your dreams may hold.
Lately, these seven traits have become something of a self-improvement checklist of mine. I hope they do for you, too.
Self-Belief
Self-belief simply means that you believe you can accomplish things. When you see a difficult task before you, do you start convincing yourself that you can’t do it or do you start looking for a way to make it happen? Self-belief is, of course, the latter.
Without self-belief, it becomes very hard to take on large challenges in your life. Instead, you’ll avoid the challenges, seeking easier paths which won’t be particularly rewarding.
How can you build self-belief? The easiest way is to show yourself that you can do it. Start challenging yourself with personal projects that aren’t easy (but that are actually achievable). Can you walk 2,000 miles this year? Can you write a novel before the end of March? Set that plan down and focus all your energy on making it happen. The more you achieve, the more your self-belief will grow.
Humility
Of course, it’s easy for self-belief to turn into arrogance, which is a dangerous trait to have. You can easily begin to believe that you are the secret sauce that makes things happen and that you make the world go around.
Sorry, it’s not true.
Humility simply means that you understand that the world doesn’t begin and end with you. Virtually everything in your life is a collaboration. As I type this post, I’m relying on software from Microsoft and Apple and several open source projects. The ideas that flow through my head came through countless sources. The inspiration for this post was other people. I know that I am merely a small part of the reason for the success of this site or this article, and without those tools and things created by others, I wouldn’t be here and there would be no Simple Dollar.
A good way to practice humility is to think about how many people had to be involved to bring you the things you take for granted. Start with the device you’re reading this on. Who made it? Who wrote the software that runs on it? All of those people deserve some credit for making what you’re doing right now happen. You’re actually just a very tiny part of that exchange.
Self-Reliance
Let’s turn this rock over again and look at another facet: self-reliance. Self-reliance simply means that you’re able to come up with solutions to problems with as little direct outside help as possible. A self-reliant person is willing and able to fix their own toilet, grow their own food, and figure out what they’re supposed to do next.
Self-reliance combines well with self-belief. Self-belief means you think you can do anything. Self-reliance means you’re able to start coming up with methods to actually do it without someone guiding you.
How do you improve self-reliance? Start taking on tasks that you think might be difficult. Yes, you might mess them up. Yes, that’s okay. The key is that you’re trying to do things on your own and, more often than not, you’re succeeding at them. Self-reliance becomes something of a snowball rolling down the mountain, where you start to tie achieved tasks together and before you know it, you’re planning large projects on the fly.
Love of Learning
A key part of one’s ability to succeed in any area is knowledge acquisition. Do you know what’s going on in that area? Do you know the people involved? Do you have a thorough base of knowledge upon which you can interact with other people driven to succeed?
Obviously, one can acquire knowledge without enjoying the process, but a love of learning certainly makes the process easier. If you love learning, then the thought of tackling something new in order to understand it in depth sounds exciting. You can’t wait to get started!
My perspective has been that a love of knowledge is often a snowball effect. If you start off just picking one topic you really want to understand and focus on learning more about that topic, you often tend to slowly spread into other topics. Eventually, learning itself becomes a joyful journey.
Adaptability
Situations change. Opportunities appear and disappear. One day you find yourself in a scientific research field, another you find yourself being a writer on financial topics (not that I’m speaking from experience or anything…).
Some people are able to roll with the punches. If the problems and the situations change, then they change their tactics to go along with it. Others just lock down in uncertain and changing situations.
The more adaptable you are to change, the more likely you are to succeed at whatever life throws at you.
Adaptability, of course, draws on self-reliance, but they differ in one key aspect: adaptability sometimes causes you to inherently rely on others. Self-reliance, in a way, is just a key tool for adaptability.
How do you build adaptability? The key is to watch your own behavior. When a situation changes, do you respond by retreating into your shell? If you do, make a very focused effort to come out of that shell and just deal with the new situation. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Passion
By passion, I mean that whatever it is that you choose to be doing, you get swept away in it. It consumes your thoughts. It brings you incredible joy when you’re doing it, particularly when you see improvement at it.
When you wake up in the morning, you’re raring to get started on that thing you’re passionate about. When you go to bed, it fills your thoughts until you go to sleep.
Some people are prone to passion. Others are more withdrawn. Yet, time and time again, when I witness someone doing something great, passion is at work.
How can you build passion? The key, really, is just letting go of a sense that you shouldn’t dive in deep. So often, I see people afraid to be passionate because of the cultural constraints around them. They don’t want to be a “nerd.” So often, though, the people who do amazing things are nerds. Their passion drives them to do something special. Let go. Be a nerd.
Detail-Oriented Focus
When you work, do you find yourself focusing hard on the project at hand? Do you often notice details that other people miss? Do you want the details to be right when you care about a project? Can you get so involved with a project that wild horses can barely drag you away?
A person who can answer “yes” to those questions has detail-oriented focus. They have the ability to take something they’re working on and make it great.
Detail-oriented focus can be built by training one’s attention span. Start by eliminating all distractions when you’re working on a project. When you find yourself daydreaming, take a break and do something else for a while, then go back into focus mode. The more you practice this, the better you’ll get at focusing. You’ll eventually be able to reach what I call “the zone,” where time just seems to slip away as I focus on a project.
These seven traits pop up in some combination in every great person that I know. They’ll lead you to success, too.
More Valuable than Money or Possessions
[Taken from the Simple Dollar]
There was a time about eight years ago when I woke up thinking about the possessions I had and the money I was earning. I was a collector of stuff and I was immensely proud of the money I was earning. Not only did I want lots of stuff for my own enjoyment, I also wanted to flaunt it to a certain extent.
Over time, though, I began to realize that something was missing in my life. There were things that I wanted in my life that were drifting farther and farther away from me.
I wanted the freedom to write for a living because I deeply enjoy the written word.
I wanted a strong relationship with my wife.
I wanted a strong relationship with my children and to raise them into a self-reliant and curiosity-filled adulthood.
I wanted time to read and enjoy books – not to collect them, but to read and enjoy them.
I wanted to build a close circle of friends that would stick with me through thick and thin (as I would stick with them).
My life was focused heavily on my income and possessions, but it really felt empty after a while.
Eventually, after I realized that I really needed to turn my financial situation around, I began to really focus on the things above as the center of my life. Each of them – along with another focus or two that I’ve added since then – pushes me to build a great life that I enjoy without spending money.
Writing only requires a computer and trips to the library to do research.
A relationship with my wife requires just time and attention, as does a relationship with my children.
Reading just requires time, along with those aforementioned trips to the library.
A close circle of friends mostly just requires time and attention.
Better health (a newer focus) requires time to exercise and attention to the foods I eat.
There’s no significant money being spent on any of these things, yet they fill up the vast majority of my time and attention. These are the components of a life that I’m happy leading.
For me, a major key to financial success was simply taking stock of my life and figuring out what I wanted most from it. When you’re not doing that, it’s easy to get distracted by the constant hum of consumerism that fills life in the United States, from the advertisements to the product placement within programs, from the social influences to the pressure to be seen as affluent.
Take some time to step back and ask yourself what’s genuinely important to you. What really matters in your life? Step back from the things you invest your time, money, and energy into and focus instead on maximizing those things that matter most to you.
You might find that financial success comes easier than you think.
Over time, though, I began to realize that something was missing in my life. There were things that I wanted in my life that were drifting farther and farther away from me.
I wanted the freedom to write for a living because I deeply enjoy the written word.
I wanted a strong relationship with my wife.
I wanted a strong relationship with my children and to raise them into a self-reliant and curiosity-filled adulthood.
I wanted time to read and enjoy books – not to collect them, but to read and enjoy them.
I wanted to build a close circle of friends that would stick with me through thick and thin (as I would stick with them).
My life was focused heavily on my income and possessions, but it really felt empty after a while.
Eventually, after I realized that I really needed to turn my financial situation around, I began to really focus on the things above as the center of my life. Each of them – along with another focus or two that I’ve added since then – pushes me to build a great life that I enjoy without spending money.
Writing only requires a computer and trips to the library to do research.
A relationship with my wife requires just time and attention, as does a relationship with my children.
Reading just requires time, along with those aforementioned trips to the library.
A close circle of friends mostly just requires time and attention.
Better health (a newer focus) requires time to exercise and attention to the foods I eat.
There’s no significant money being spent on any of these things, yet they fill up the vast majority of my time and attention. These are the components of a life that I’m happy leading.
For me, a major key to financial success was simply taking stock of my life and figuring out what I wanted most from it. When you’re not doing that, it’s easy to get distracted by the constant hum of consumerism that fills life in the United States, from the advertisements to the product placement within programs, from the social influences to the pressure to be seen as affluent.
Take some time to step back and ask yourself what’s genuinely important to you. What really matters in your life? Step back from the things you invest your time, money, and energy into and focus instead on maximizing those things that matter most to you.
You might find that financial success comes easier than you think.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Are you ready to change?
[Taken from Simple Dollar]
When I first entered college, I was not mentally prepared for it. I didn’t have adequate study skills, nor did I have the focus or patience to do the work that needed to be done to really succeed. My first two and a half years of college were spent simply focusing on doing the minimum I needed to do to keep my scholarships.
At about the end of my fifth semester or so, I woke up. I went from struggling to stay in school to making the dean’s list while majoring in two hard sciences. I couldn’t completely undo the performance of my first three years in school, but I certainly left college on a completely different trajectory than when I entered it.
When I was mentally ready for it, I was completely able to take control of my education and career trajectory.
Later on, I spent myself into a pretty deep financial hole. We had a mountain of credit card and other consumer debt. Throughout 2004 and 2005, we just kept spending and spending, digging the hole deeper and deeper.
When our first child arrived on the scene, my perspective began to change on a lot of things in my life. I began to realize that I was not only responsible for my own path, but for the path of this tiny child. I turned the ship around, and today Sarah and I own a home and are completely debt free.
When I was mentally ready for it, I was completely able to take control of my finances.
Sometimes, we’re not mentally ready for the things we need to do in our lives.
I see it all the time in people around me. There are people who are just not ready to go through the hard steps needed to correct their finances or get on a different career path. They’re more interested in maximizing their enjoyment of this very moment and they just assume tomorrow will figure itself out.
I see it in myself. There are personal challenges I’d love to take on, but I often feel like I just don’t quite have it in me to make a success out of those things.
If you’re not fully on board with the changes you want to make, you’ll find it very difficult to make those changes.
So, what can you do? You’re aware of a change that needs to be made, but you’re just not quite on board with it. What’s next?
For me, introspection works better than anything. I’ve found that, time and time again, I’ve reached breakthroughs in my life by constantly looking at my life and asking myself what I want out of it and what I need to do to get there.
When I’m not ready to achieve something, the answers aren’t there yet. The key is to keep asking. Keep thinking about it. Keep reading. Keep translating that reading into the reality of your own life.
The first step is recognizing that a change needs to happen.
The second step is digging into your life and really understanding what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed.
After that, the journey can go in a lot of different directions. Different things work well for different people as long as you have that foundation of understanding what needs changed and you’re truly committed to it. Without that foundation, changing your life is next to impossible.
When I first entered college, I was not mentally prepared for it. I didn’t have adequate study skills, nor did I have the focus or patience to do the work that needed to be done to really succeed. My first two and a half years of college were spent simply focusing on doing the minimum I needed to do to keep my scholarships.
At about the end of my fifth semester or so, I woke up. I went from struggling to stay in school to making the dean’s list while majoring in two hard sciences. I couldn’t completely undo the performance of my first three years in school, but I certainly left college on a completely different trajectory than when I entered it.
When I was mentally ready for it, I was completely able to take control of my education and career trajectory.
Later on, I spent myself into a pretty deep financial hole. We had a mountain of credit card and other consumer debt. Throughout 2004 and 2005, we just kept spending and spending, digging the hole deeper and deeper.
When our first child arrived on the scene, my perspective began to change on a lot of things in my life. I began to realize that I was not only responsible for my own path, but for the path of this tiny child. I turned the ship around, and today Sarah and I own a home and are completely debt free.
When I was mentally ready for it, I was completely able to take control of my finances.
Sometimes, we’re not mentally ready for the things we need to do in our lives.
I see it all the time in people around me. There are people who are just not ready to go through the hard steps needed to correct their finances or get on a different career path. They’re more interested in maximizing their enjoyment of this very moment and they just assume tomorrow will figure itself out.
I see it in myself. There are personal challenges I’d love to take on, but I often feel like I just don’t quite have it in me to make a success out of those things.
If you’re not fully on board with the changes you want to make, you’ll find it very difficult to make those changes.
So, what can you do? You’re aware of a change that needs to be made, but you’re just not quite on board with it. What’s next?
For me, introspection works better than anything. I’ve found that, time and time again, I’ve reached breakthroughs in my life by constantly looking at my life and asking myself what I want out of it and what I need to do to get there.
When I’m not ready to achieve something, the answers aren’t there yet. The key is to keep asking. Keep thinking about it. Keep reading. Keep translating that reading into the reality of your own life.
The first step is recognizing that a change needs to happen.
The second step is digging into your life and really understanding what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed.
After that, the journey can go in a lot of different directions. Different things work well for different people as long as you have that foundation of understanding what needs changed and you’re truly committed to it. Without that foundation, changing your life is next to impossible.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Our Enemy Is Resistance, and We Shall Defeat It
[Taken from Simple Dollar]
When I get up in the morning, I know that I should exercise, but I often really don’t want to do it. I usually have a checklist of other things I need to do, so I’ll use that as an excuse. Some days, I’ll find some minor physical reason not to do it (“I have a tiny blister on my toe” or “I think I have a cold coming on” or “My knee hurts”). Other days, I’ll not even think about it. The easiest path often seems to be the one that doesn’t involve exercise.
Resistance.
When I was trying to get my financial life in order, my entire social network was full of cues to spend money. The television programs I watched depicted affluent and interesting people who just happened to have things that were compelling to me in some way. I felt like my family expected me to buy nice gifts and treat them to meals when they came to visit. The easiest path seemed to be the one that involved spending more money.
Resistance.
When I’m trying to adopt any life change, there are always a lot of reasons not to do it. Usually, it’s much easier to just keep doing things the way I’m doing things. It’s comfortable. I understand it. I know it’s not going to hurt to stick with the status quo, at least not in the short term. My family hints that this change might not be the best idea.
Resistance.
Our enemy is resistance, and we shall defeat it.
Here are our weapons in this battle.
Forge a new path of least resistance. Fighting to overcome the munchies? Toss all of the unhealthy munchies out of your home (take them to a food pantry, for example). That way, the easiest path to getting your snack fix involves eating something healthy. Fighting to exercise more? Reserve a parking spot as far from your workplace as possible, or put your jogging shoes right in front of your door so that you have to actively move them to avoid them.
Use some motivation. Why are you really making this change? Hold that motivator front and center. For a long time, I kept my credit cards wrapped in a photograph of my children. I’ve started using a picture of me at my heaviest (although that’s about fifty pounds heavier than I am now) in several places to encourage exercise.
Make simple milestones. There’s a reason so many of my friends have found success with the “Couch to 5k” running program. It sets up simple little milestones that can easily be achieved, but they’re still enough to fill you with accomplishment each step of the way. If you’re working towards something new, set up little milestones for yourself.
Track your progress – but not too much. Tracking your financial situation too frequently will give you a false sense of failing because of the short-term impact of bills and the like. Similarly, tracking your weight too frequently will give you a false sense of failure because of short-term weight fluctuations. Check it once a month and be proud of what you’ve achieved. Make that checking day important – mark it on your calendar and give it some psychological weight, so that you’re looking forward to it throughout the month.
Use social pressure. Find someone to share in your goal, either face-to-face or on the internet. Share your progress extensively and cheer the successes of the others involved in the goal. A community of people all striving toward the same individual goals can be a very powerful method for minimizing resistance to change.
These are your tools. Use them wisely.
When I get up in the morning, I know that I should exercise, but I often really don’t want to do it. I usually have a checklist of other things I need to do, so I’ll use that as an excuse. Some days, I’ll find some minor physical reason not to do it (“I have a tiny blister on my toe” or “I think I have a cold coming on” or “My knee hurts”). Other days, I’ll not even think about it. The easiest path often seems to be the one that doesn’t involve exercise.
Resistance.
When I was trying to get my financial life in order, my entire social network was full of cues to spend money. The television programs I watched depicted affluent and interesting people who just happened to have things that were compelling to me in some way. I felt like my family expected me to buy nice gifts and treat them to meals when they came to visit. The easiest path seemed to be the one that involved spending more money.
Resistance.
When I’m trying to adopt any life change, there are always a lot of reasons not to do it. Usually, it’s much easier to just keep doing things the way I’m doing things. It’s comfortable. I understand it. I know it’s not going to hurt to stick with the status quo, at least not in the short term. My family hints that this change might not be the best idea.
Resistance.
Our enemy is resistance, and we shall defeat it.
Here are our weapons in this battle.
Forge a new path of least resistance. Fighting to overcome the munchies? Toss all of the unhealthy munchies out of your home (take them to a food pantry, for example). That way, the easiest path to getting your snack fix involves eating something healthy. Fighting to exercise more? Reserve a parking spot as far from your workplace as possible, or put your jogging shoes right in front of your door so that you have to actively move them to avoid them.
Use some motivation. Why are you really making this change? Hold that motivator front and center. For a long time, I kept my credit cards wrapped in a photograph of my children. I’ve started using a picture of me at my heaviest (although that’s about fifty pounds heavier than I am now) in several places to encourage exercise.
Make simple milestones. There’s a reason so many of my friends have found success with the “Couch to 5k” running program. It sets up simple little milestones that can easily be achieved, but they’re still enough to fill you with accomplishment each step of the way. If you’re working towards something new, set up little milestones for yourself.
Track your progress – but not too much. Tracking your financial situation too frequently will give you a false sense of failing because of the short-term impact of bills and the like. Similarly, tracking your weight too frequently will give you a false sense of failure because of short-term weight fluctuations. Check it once a month and be proud of what you’ve achieved. Make that checking day important – mark it on your calendar and give it some psychological weight, so that you’re looking forward to it throughout the month.
Use social pressure. Find someone to share in your goal, either face-to-face or on the internet. Share your progress extensively and cheer the successes of the others involved in the goal. A community of people all striving toward the same individual goals can be a very powerful method for minimizing resistance to change.
These are your tools. Use them wisely.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Description of Paradise
A section of Ibn Al-Qayyim’s introduction to his work on the description of paradise called “Haadi Al-Arwaah ilaa bilaad Al-Afrah”
“And when those of certainty came to know what they were created for and for what purpose they came into existence they raised their heads high. When they knew that paradise was elevated for them they rolled up their sleeves for it. And that the straight path was made clear to them so they were firm as they traversed upon it. And they saw that the greatest inequity is to sell that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and has not been conjured up by the imagination of any soul in an eternity that never ends for a temporal life, rather something only like a false dream, or a vision that visits during sleep, corrupted by disturbances, paired with torments. If it brings some laughter it brings much weeping, and if it causes happiness one day it causes sadness for months. Its pains are greater than its pleasures and its sorrows are many folds greater than its happiness. The first of it is fear and the last of it is ruin.
What amazement at a fool in the shape of a wise person, and an imbecile in the clothes of a person of intellect, who preferred a portion that is perishable and lousy, over a portion that is eternal, and sold a paradise that is equal to the heavens and the earth for an earth that is a constricted prison shared amongst a people afflicted by impairments and calamities. And (sold) goodly homes in gardens of Eden under which rivers flow, for a camel stable- constricted and ends with ruin. And (sold) loving virgins, equal in age, as if they are like rubies and coral (in beauty), for foul, lowly women who would take a boyfriend or commit adultery. And Hoor with restricted gaze awaiting in tents, for filthy ones who would curse amongst the people. And (sold) rivers of wine a pure pleasure for those who drink, for an impure drink that does away with the mind and corrupts one’s wordly and religious life. And (sold) the pleasure of gazing at the Face of the All-Great and the Most Merciful, for the pleasure of glancing at hideous lowly faces. And (sold) the experience of listening to the address of Al-Rahman, for the experience of listening to music and singers. And (sold) the reclining on thrones of pearls, rubies and chrysolite on the Day of Increase for the reclining on gatherings of transgression with every wandering devil. And (sold) the calling of the caller “Oh people of paradise: For you here is everlasting bliss and no despair, and everlasting life and no death, and everlasting residence and no relocation, and everlasting youth and no aging” for the songs of singers...
It is paradise...so how amazing is it then, how could the one seeking it sleep? And how could the one courting it not accept its dowry? And how could one be pleased with living in this (earthly) abode after hearing its description? And how has the one who desires it been able to live without embracing its virgins? And how could the eyes of those who desire it glance away from it? And how could those who were certain of it be patient at not entering it? And how could the hearts of the majority of mankind be unconcerned with it? And with what did the souls of those who turned away replace it?
“And when those of certainty came to know what they were created for and for what purpose they came into existence they raised their heads high. When they knew that paradise was elevated for them they rolled up their sleeves for it. And that the straight path was made clear to them so they were firm as they traversed upon it. And they saw that the greatest inequity is to sell that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and has not been conjured up by the imagination of any soul in an eternity that never ends for a temporal life, rather something only like a false dream, or a vision that visits during sleep, corrupted by disturbances, paired with torments. If it brings some laughter it brings much weeping, and if it causes happiness one day it causes sadness for months. Its pains are greater than its pleasures and its sorrows are many folds greater than its happiness. The first of it is fear and the last of it is ruin.
What amazement at a fool in the shape of a wise person, and an imbecile in the clothes of a person of intellect, who preferred a portion that is perishable and lousy, over a portion that is eternal, and sold a paradise that is equal to the heavens and the earth for an earth that is a constricted prison shared amongst a people afflicted by impairments and calamities. And (sold) goodly homes in gardens of Eden under which rivers flow, for a camel stable- constricted and ends with ruin. And (sold) loving virgins, equal in age, as if they are like rubies and coral (in beauty), for foul, lowly women who would take a boyfriend or commit adultery. And Hoor with restricted gaze awaiting in tents, for filthy ones who would curse amongst the people. And (sold) rivers of wine a pure pleasure for those who drink, for an impure drink that does away with the mind and corrupts one’s wordly and religious life. And (sold) the pleasure of gazing at the Face of the All-Great and the Most Merciful, for the pleasure of glancing at hideous lowly faces. And (sold) the experience of listening to the address of Al-Rahman, for the experience of listening to music and singers. And (sold) the reclining on thrones of pearls, rubies and chrysolite on the Day of Increase for the reclining on gatherings of transgression with every wandering devil. And (sold) the calling of the caller “Oh people of paradise: For you here is everlasting bliss and no despair, and everlasting life and no death, and everlasting residence and no relocation, and everlasting youth and no aging” for the songs of singers...
It is paradise...so how amazing is it then, how could the one seeking it sleep? And how could the one courting it not accept its dowry? And how could one be pleased with living in this (earthly) abode after hearing its description? And how has the one who desires it been able to live without embracing its virgins? And how could the eyes of those who desire it glance away from it? And how could those who were certain of it be patient at not entering it? And how could the hearts of the majority of mankind be unconcerned with it? And with what did the souls of those who turned away replace it?
Monday, August 27, 2012
The Eyes of a Child
[Taken from Simple Dollar]
My youngest child has these deep blue eyes. If you tell him something that attracts his attention, he’ll stop and look at you with those piercing blue eyes for a moment, as though he’s trying to make up his mind whether or not you’re telling him something of real value.
Every day, his eyes are on me. Along with his two older siblings and his mother, I’m one of the people that he’s constantly using as a role model for figuring out the world.
If he sees me enjoying tomatoes, he’s willing to give them a try.
If he sees me brushing my teeth, he’ll head to the other bathroom to retrieve his own toothbrush.
If he sees me shaving, he’s ready to slap some shaving cream on his cheeks.
His idea of good behavior is coming, in large part, from me.
John Wooden, the great UCLA basketball coach and one of my personal heroes, once said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
It can be easy for me to try to behave well when my little blue-eyed boy is around. I can try to act like a good role model when he’s around. I can think more deliberately about my action when he’s watching me.
Children are too smart for that, though. They see the character behind the curtain. I certainly remember realizing that there were people who would do one thing when eyes were on them and then do another when no one else was around, and I was smart enough to know that the things they did when no one was around was the true reflection of who they were.
It’s not enough to behave well when my child is watching. I must have the character from which good behavior comes naturally.
For example, the best way to show my child that you can have a lot of fun at home with whatever you have on hand is to have a lot of fun at home with whatever you have on hand.
If I want my child to see that adults read books and discuss ideas, the best way to do that is to normally read books and discuss ideas as part of my life.
If I want my child to see that life doesn’t revolve around spending money and you don’t have to throw out cash in order to enjoy life, the best way to do that is to live a life where that’s the normal course of events and not a special “money free weekend.”
If it’s an act, it doesn’t work.
Few things are harder than working on who you are and striving to improve it. People are creatures of habit and impulse. It is extremely difficult to change those fundamental things.
In some ways, I’m lucky. When I want to push myself to change things about who I am, I simply have to think about those big blue eyes that are watching me all the time. That’s a pretty strong motivator.
Couple that motivation with a strong sense of what better choices are and soon I’ll end up changing who I am. Those better choices come naturally if they’re repeated enough.
The things we want to change seem very hard at times. Through the eyes of a child, though, they’re not difficult at all. If you work on just changing who you are a little bit, you no longer have to face the difficult decision to not spend money or to not smoke or to not curse over and over again throughout the day.
In the eyes of a child, character trumps everything else. Work on your character and your habits follow.
My youngest child has these deep blue eyes. If you tell him something that attracts his attention, he’ll stop and look at you with those piercing blue eyes for a moment, as though he’s trying to make up his mind whether or not you’re telling him something of real value.
Every day, his eyes are on me. Along with his two older siblings and his mother, I’m one of the people that he’s constantly using as a role model for figuring out the world.
If he sees me enjoying tomatoes, he’s willing to give them a try.
If he sees me brushing my teeth, he’ll head to the other bathroom to retrieve his own toothbrush.
If he sees me shaving, he’s ready to slap some shaving cream on his cheeks.
His idea of good behavior is coming, in large part, from me.
John Wooden, the great UCLA basketball coach and one of my personal heroes, once said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
It can be easy for me to try to behave well when my little blue-eyed boy is around. I can try to act like a good role model when he’s around. I can think more deliberately about my action when he’s watching me.
Children are too smart for that, though. They see the character behind the curtain. I certainly remember realizing that there were people who would do one thing when eyes were on them and then do another when no one else was around, and I was smart enough to know that the things they did when no one was around was the true reflection of who they were.
It’s not enough to behave well when my child is watching. I must have the character from which good behavior comes naturally.
For example, the best way to show my child that you can have a lot of fun at home with whatever you have on hand is to have a lot of fun at home with whatever you have on hand.
If I want my child to see that adults read books and discuss ideas, the best way to do that is to normally read books and discuss ideas as part of my life.
If I want my child to see that life doesn’t revolve around spending money and you don’t have to throw out cash in order to enjoy life, the best way to do that is to live a life where that’s the normal course of events and not a special “money free weekend.”
If it’s an act, it doesn’t work.
Few things are harder than working on who you are and striving to improve it. People are creatures of habit and impulse. It is extremely difficult to change those fundamental things.
In some ways, I’m lucky. When I want to push myself to change things about who I am, I simply have to think about those big blue eyes that are watching me all the time. That’s a pretty strong motivator.
Couple that motivation with a strong sense of what better choices are and soon I’ll end up changing who I am. Those better choices come naturally if they’re repeated enough.
The things we want to change seem very hard at times. Through the eyes of a child, though, they’re not difficult at all. If you work on just changing who you are a little bit, you no longer have to face the difficult decision to not spend money or to not smoke or to not curse over and over again throughout the day.
In the eyes of a child, character trumps everything else. Work on your character and your habits follow.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Pride
[Taken from the Simple Dollar]
Posted: 17 Aug 2012 07:00 AM PDT
We all want to have a life that we can be proud of.
We want a life that we’re happy to show to others. We want relationships where we feel like equals with the other person. We want a life full of memories and activities that accurately reflect the values we hold dear.
Quite often, that pride can drive us to great things. It can push us to work harder. It can push us to build more rewarding relationships. It can push us to commit more strongly to our core values.
The challenge comes when that pride is channeled in the wrong direction. It can push us to spend our time and money in incredibly foolish ways.
Once upon a time, my pride nearly drove me to financial ruin.
I tried incredibly hard to keep up with the people in my life and I did so by buying things and going out for expensive evenings almost constantly. I’d think nothing of dropping $50 on the latest video game or $40 for a trip to the movies mostly so I could talk about them in my social circle.
Instead of chasing long-term meaningful relationships, I chased the short-term rush of being envied (or at least accepted) by acquaintances. I was pretty proud of being the guy who knew all about the latest movies or always knew about the latest gadgets. I took pride in that and chased it.
Being that guy merely left me without money and without a lot of long-term valuable relationships. I could feel good in the short term about what I had, but whenever I thought about the long term, I didn’t have such happy feelings. I couldn’t picture a lot of the people in my life at the time still being in my life in twenty years. I certainly couldn’t see a clear financial path from my situation to where I wanted to be in twenty years.
I was proud of the short-term social position I held, but I gradually began to grow very distraught about the long-term implications of that position.
Eventually, I had to re-evaluate my sources of pride. More specifically, I began to seek out long-term sources of pride.
What’s the difference? If you own the latest phone, you can be proud of that and make your friends envious for a short while, but it’s not going to be long before someone else has a better one.
On the other hand, if you have a beautiful home that’s paid for, you’re going to be able to be proud of that for a very long time. It’s a symbol of financial security and stability.
If you have a shiny new car, it won’t be shiny and new within a few years. If your pride is based on having a shiny new car, then you’re going to have to replace it regularly at a pretty high expense.
If you’re proud of having a reliable car instead, you can be proud of that for many years. Take pride on having a car that’s ran well for 200,000 miles instead of a car that’s got a recent model year.
You can be proud of having a contact list full of acquaintances, but those acquaintances will slip away like grains of sand. On the other hand, you can be proud of having a smaller group of lifetime friends that will be there for you through thick and thin.
In almost every case, being proud of something that will last for a long time will serve you much better than having pride in something that is fleeting.
A long-term friend is not one that you have to continually impress. A car with reliability is not one you’re going to have to get replaced very frequently. A home that is paid for is not draining your wallet via interest.
What are the long-term things in your life that you are most proud of? What are the things that you draw pride from that are more transient? How can you replace those transient things?
Posted: 17 Aug 2012 07:00 AM PDT
We all want to have a life that we can be proud of.
We want a life that we’re happy to show to others. We want relationships where we feel like equals with the other person. We want a life full of memories and activities that accurately reflect the values we hold dear.
Quite often, that pride can drive us to great things. It can push us to work harder. It can push us to build more rewarding relationships. It can push us to commit more strongly to our core values.
The challenge comes when that pride is channeled in the wrong direction. It can push us to spend our time and money in incredibly foolish ways.
Once upon a time, my pride nearly drove me to financial ruin.
I tried incredibly hard to keep up with the people in my life and I did so by buying things and going out for expensive evenings almost constantly. I’d think nothing of dropping $50 on the latest video game or $40 for a trip to the movies mostly so I could talk about them in my social circle.
Instead of chasing long-term meaningful relationships, I chased the short-term rush of being envied (or at least accepted) by acquaintances. I was pretty proud of being the guy who knew all about the latest movies or always knew about the latest gadgets. I took pride in that and chased it.
Being that guy merely left me without money and without a lot of long-term valuable relationships. I could feel good in the short term about what I had, but whenever I thought about the long term, I didn’t have such happy feelings. I couldn’t picture a lot of the people in my life at the time still being in my life in twenty years. I certainly couldn’t see a clear financial path from my situation to where I wanted to be in twenty years.
I was proud of the short-term social position I held, but I gradually began to grow very distraught about the long-term implications of that position.
Eventually, I had to re-evaluate my sources of pride. More specifically, I began to seek out long-term sources of pride.
What’s the difference? If you own the latest phone, you can be proud of that and make your friends envious for a short while, but it’s not going to be long before someone else has a better one.
On the other hand, if you have a beautiful home that’s paid for, you’re going to be able to be proud of that for a very long time. It’s a symbol of financial security and stability.
If you have a shiny new car, it won’t be shiny and new within a few years. If your pride is based on having a shiny new car, then you’re going to have to replace it regularly at a pretty high expense.
If you’re proud of having a reliable car instead, you can be proud of that for many years. Take pride on having a car that’s ran well for 200,000 miles instead of a car that’s got a recent model year.
You can be proud of having a contact list full of acquaintances, but those acquaintances will slip away like grains of sand. On the other hand, you can be proud of having a smaller group of lifetime friends that will be there for you through thick and thin.
In almost every case, being proud of something that will last for a long time will serve you much better than having pride in something that is fleeting.
A long-term friend is not one that you have to continually impress. A car with reliability is not one you’re going to have to get replaced very frequently. A home that is paid for is not draining your wallet via interest.
What are the long-term things in your life that you are most proud of? What are the things that you draw pride from that are more transient? How can you replace those transient things?
An Intentional Life
[Copied from http://zenhabits.net/intentional/]
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Many of us go through our days awake, but following patterns we’ve developed over the years. We are going through the motions, doing things at home, online, at work without much forethought.
Contrast this with the idea of an Intentional Life: everything you do is done with consciousness, fulfilling one of your core values (compassion, for example). Everything is done with a conscious intent.
It’s true that many things we do have some kind of intent — I’m washing the dishes because I don’t want a messy house or bugs in my kitchen; I’m driving to work because I need to make a living; I’m driving my kids to school because they need to learn. But after repeating these actions every day, the intent kind of fades into the background so that we are barely aware of them. We’ve figured out the intent long ago, and don’t need to think about them anymore.
What if that changed?
What if you were very aware of your intention for your actions? How would that transform the action, and your life?
What if you washed the dishes, but first said you are doing this as a service to your family, to make them happy, and as a form of meditation for yourself, to practice mindfulness? Doing the dishes would suddenly take on much more importance, and would cease to be boring.
The only difference is intention.
What if driving to work was done after mentally declaring an intention to help others at work, to make people happy, to find satisfaction through work? The drive might be much happier, and you might be less likely to get irate when someone inevitably cuts you off in traffic.
This is the Intentional Life.
I practice it in bits and pieces — not all the time, but increasingly. When I do it, my life is different. More purposeful, more consciously lived, more content with any action.
A simple practice of intentionality: before you do the next action online or at work, pause a moment, close your eyes, and mentally say your intention. Why are you doing this? Is it out of compassion for others, or yourself? Is it to make someone happier? To improve the world? Out of gratitude for the work and kindness of others?
And then, as you do the action, be mindful of your intention.
This is a small step, but in those few moments, you will be living an Intentional Life.
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Many of us go through our days awake, but following patterns we’ve developed over the years. We are going through the motions, doing things at home, online, at work without much forethought.
Contrast this with the idea of an Intentional Life: everything you do is done with consciousness, fulfilling one of your core values (compassion, for example). Everything is done with a conscious intent.
It’s true that many things we do have some kind of intent — I’m washing the dishes because I don’t want a messy house or bugs in my kitchen; I’m driving to work because I need to make a living; I’m driving my kids to school because they need to learn. But after repeating these actions every day, the intent kind of fades into the background so that we are barely aware of them. We’ve figured out the intent long ago, and don’t need to think about them anymore.
What if that changed?
What if you were very aware of your intention for your actions? How would that transform the action, and your life?
What if you washed the dishes, but first said you are doing this as a service to your family, to make them happy, and as a form of meditation for yourself, to practice mindfulness? Doing the dishes would suddenly take on much more importance, and would cease to be boring.
The only difference is intention.
What if driving to work was done after mentally declaring an intention to help others at work, to make people happy, to find satisfaction through work? The drive might be much happier, and you might be less likely to get irate when someone inevitably cuts you off in traffic.
This is the Intentional Life.
I practice it in bits and pieces — not all the time, but increasingly. When I do it, my life is different. More purposeful, more consciously lived, more content with any action.
A simple practice of intentionality: before you do the next action online or at work, pause a moment, close your eyes, and mentally say your intention. Why are you doing this? Is it out of compassion for others, or yourself? Is it to make someone happier? To improve the world? Out of gratitude for the work and kindness of others?
And then, as you do the action, be mindful of your intention.
This is a small step, but in those few moments, you will be living an Intentional Life.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
5 big benefits of asking for help
By Unstuck | August 13, 2012
Have you ever noticed that some of the most capable people we know don’t seem capable of asking for help? And maybe, just maybe, one of them is you? In Unstuck speak, we call this acting like a Lone Leader.
To get unstuck, it takes a shift in how you think so you can change how you act. Lone Leaders tend to think that needing help makes them vulnerable in some way. The risk of tarnishing their (self) image blocks the path that can be receptive to assistance.
To begin revising thoughts from help=bad to help=better, consider these amazing rewards of letting someone else into your struggle.
1. Relationship building. Just imagine the smart, connected people you could meet if you put out the call for help. Or, if the assistance comes from someone you know, your bond will get stronger, more familiar, more relaxed and satisfying.
2. Happiness giving. Plainly put, people like to help. They find it gratifying that they can make someone else’s life easier. When you give them that chance, you are making at least two people’s worlds a little brighter.
3. Competence shining. Akin to making someone happy, allowing a person to help you lets them tap into their superpower, be a hero, and enjoy a sense of purpose. That makes the act of accepting help one of generosity, not neediness.
4. Health bringing. With help comes relief, and relief goes a long way in stamping out energy-sapping stress and negativity. In short, you’ll feel, think, and act better.
5. Productivity driving. Help, of course, will let you be more efficient, successful, creative, useful—all the things that you crave in your stuck moment.
When you’re ready for help, Unstuck’s “Call in the Cavalry” tool will let you zero in on exactly who and what you need. Then polish your requesting skills with “The art of asking for help.”
Have you ever noticed that some of the most capable people we know don’t seem capable of asking for help? And maybe, just maybe, one of them is you? In Unstuck speak, we call this acting like a Lone Leader.
To get unstuck, it takes a shift in how you think so you can change how you act. Lone Leaders tend to think that needing help makes them vulnerable in some way. The risk of tarnishing their (self) image blocks the path that can be receptive to assistance.
To begin revising thoughts from help=bad to help=better, consider these amazing rewards of letting someone else into your struggle.
1. Relationship building. Just imagine the smart, connected people you could meet if you put out the call for help. Or, if the assistance comes from someone you know, your bond will get stronger, more familiar, more relaxed and satisfying.
2. Happiness giving. Plainly put, people like to help. They find it gratifying that they can make someone else’s life easier. When you give them that chance, you are making at least two people’s worlds a little brighter.
3. Competence shining. Akin to making someone happy, allowing a person to help you lets them tap into their superpower, be a hero, and enjoy a sense of purpose. That makes the act of accepting help one of generosity, not neediness.
4. Health bringing. With help comes relief, and relief goes a long way in stamping out energy-sapping stress and negativity. In short, you’ll feel, think, and act better.
5. Productivity driving. Help, of course, will let you be more efficient, successful, creative, useful—all the things that you crave in your stuck moment.
When you’re ready for help, Unstuck’s “Call in the Cavalry” tool will let you zero in on exactly who and what you need. Then polish your requesting skills with “The art of asking for help.”
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Fear of God in Kids
Fear of God in Kids by Imam Zaid Shakir
Published: May 22, 2006
When we talk about Islamic education and our children, the discussion usually revolves around strictly academic issues related to technical aspects of curriculum development, testing standards and methodologies, balancing between secular and religious education, and similar concerns. Sometimes we miss the greater objective of an Islamic education. That objective, in terms of what is necessary for the immediate success of our children in this world, and their ultimate success in the next, is nurturing balanced, wholesome, honest human beings who live lives based on principle and who exemplify good character in their dealings with other people.
The basis for the obtainment of this objective is captured in the following prophetic tradition, "Be mindful of God wherever you are, and follow up any misdeed you might do with a good deed that will wipe it out (being weightier in the scale). And deal with people on the basis of good character."[1] I will endeavor to expound on some of the relevant lessons from this tradition in the balance of this article.
This tradition mentions three very important things that should be fundamental to our educational endeavor. The first is endeavoring to instill a healthy fear of God in the child. Part of that endeavor lies in imparting to our children some of the aspects of what Americans refer to as "that old-time religion." Many aspects of what actually constitutes that old-time religion are sometimes viewed as prudish or unfashionable in today's society. However, they involve religious themes that have been instrumental in guiding people for millennia.
One of the bases of "that old-time religion" is a healthy fear of God. That fear, which has to be balanced by hope for God's mercy, revolves around the awareness that God's punishment is real. Hell and its torments are real. The retribution of those who have behaved wrongfully in the world is real. Sometimes we can become so engrossed with intellectualized discussions of our religion, so steeped in philosophical discourse, that we forget, at the end of the day, the hard realities mentioned above. If as adults we are heedless concerning these things, it is difficult for us to realize their importance for our children, especially during their formative years.
Cultivating a healthy fear of God is rooted in mindfulness of Him.
Mindfulness is a prerequisite for fear. For this reason, one of the initial goals of the spiritual path is cultivating fear of God. This is the initial thrust that propels the aspirant through subsequent stages of true human development. As one wise man once mentioned, "The fountainhead of all wisdom is the fear of God." It is mentioned in the Qur'an, Rather it is His righteous servants who fear God. {Al-Qur'an 35:28] This fear is one of the keys to Paradise. God says, As for one who fears the station of his Lord, and guards his soul against the things it inclines towards, Paradise will be his refuge. [Al-Qur'an 79:40-41]
Hence, the fear of God is something we should endeavor to instill in our children. One way to do that is to remind them that transgression incurs punishment. That punishment can occur in ways great and small. For example, we might tell our children "Don't touch that stove! You're going to burn your hand." Despite this warning they touch it. We follow up, "See? You disobeyed me, and you burned your hand." We can then suggest, "One day, if we disobey God in this world, we're going to burn our entire body." They might not understand this latter warning, but as they grow, the message will increasingly resonate.
Someone might consider such a warning harsh or inappropriate.
However, this is one of the essential messages of the Qur'an. Namely, disobedience can have painful consequences. If we do not try to instill that message into our children at a young age, we may inadvertently be depriving them of the conceptual basis to subsequently understand one of the most critical messages of the Qur'an.
Of course such messages have to be presented with gentleness and wisdom. Our intention should never be to overwhelm our children. However, we should take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves in everyday life.
While every responsible parent endeavors to keep their children's hopes and dreams alive, we have to also let them know that there is something to aspire towards beyond this world. Just as our life in a real sense, did not begin with our physical emergence from our mother's womb, it does not stop with our entrance into the grave. When we journey to the next life, we will suffer or enjoy the negative or positive consequences of the actions we did in this world. By using situations we find everyday, we can emphasize, according to our experience and our children's cognitive abilities, this message.
The second point emphasized by the tradition we are discussing is encouraging a spirit of repentance in our children. As we mentioned, sins and transgression involve consequences. With sincere repentance those consequences can be eradicated. Emphasizing this point and further emphasizing other manifestations of God's mercy provide a balance that mitigates the harshness that might accrue by focusing on the reality of divine retribution and punishment. God is most willing to accept repentance. He is most merciful.
Again, we can take advantage of situations occurring in our everyday lives to cultivate a repentant spirit in our children. If they tell a lie, we can mention how inappropriate and harmful lies are. We can then add, "You are going to have to ask God to forgive you." Not only do situations such as this introduce the child to the idea of repentance, they also encourage them to get in the habit of communicating with God. One of the things missing from many of our Muslim homes is active communion with God.
Many of us who have converted to Islam from Christianity remember how we were in the habit of saying our nightly prayers. Such devotional acts provided sweetness to our faith. Although we may have found a superior creed when we adopted Islam, in some cases we find that the sweetness to be found in intimate discourses with God gradually leaves our lives. Prayerful repentance is one way we can begin to recapture that sweetness, and to encourage it in our children's lives.
Another advantage to be found in using everyday situations to convey meaningful lessons to our children is that they allow us opportunities for informal lessons. We can teach without stopping everything to sit down for a formal "lesson." If we tell our children when they tell a lie, for example, "We are going to sit down and have a little lesson on repentance. First of all, you have to immediately stop your sins. Secondly, you have to vow to never repeat the sinful act. Thirdly, you have to express remorse for having committed the sin. And fourthly, if the sin is associated with the right of another human being, you have to restore that right." Children generally dislike being lectured to, and the lesson probably will not be too effective.
It would probably be more effective to emphasize, informally, how bad lying is, the need to ask God's forgiveness, and conveying a firm threat to wash out the child's mouth with soap if they tell another lie. Of course, such threats have to be credible. They might not involve soap, but they should involve something that will be remembered by the child, without being harmful. What is important is conveying the gravity and seriousness of lying or other negative speech or behavior. Repentance is a desirable at both the individual and at the communal level. God says in the Qur'an, So turn in repentance altogether, you believers, in order that you be successful. [Al-Qur'an 24:31]
Hence, this particular point is relevant for all of us, not just the children. Repentance is very important and has to be constantly encouraged in order to become a natural action for a developing child. In addition to reminding our children to repent and asking God's forgiveness when they slip, we should also encourage them to ask His forgiveness when they say their nightly prayers.
This brings up another very important point. We should try to get our children in the habit of saying nightly prayers. As they become older, they can be taught the prophetic supplications and invocations to be said at night and before retiring. However, at younger ages cultivating a free and open communion with God is a very powerful practice. Sleep itself is our lesser death. Our children reminding themselves that God alone can bring them safely through the night; that He alone restores their consciousness after sleep; that He alone has the power to take our soul whenever He chooses, are all messages that cultivate a healthy god-consciousness.
Another very important part of our children's Islamic upbringing, something we generally neglect as a community, involves their participation in "fun" activities that involve a cross section of the community. One such activity is hiking. Hikes are accommodating to the young and old. Hence, children and adults can get involved together. Furthermore, while outdoor activities such as hiking are not religious activities per say, something appreciated by the older children who may be struggling with their Islamic identity, they provide great settings to involve the children in group devotional activities such prayer, Qur'an reading, Dhikr, or testimonials.[2]
Such activities also provide a setting where children can interact with community elders in an informal, nonreligious setting. Many children may not appreciate the fact that the local Imam has studied Islam for twenty years and is a master of Arabic rhetoric. However, when they see that the elderly gentleman can climb a hill much faster than they can, or jump over a stream unscathed while their boots are filled with water, they have an accessible basis for respecting the Imam. This opens up doors for a deeper personal relationship that will facilitate their subsequent willingness to benefit from his religious knowledge and experience.
Such activities are very positive because they also allow children to see that they have an Islamic identity group that is larger than their individual and possibly isolated family. They are with fifty Muslims trekking through the woods, calling cadences, singing songs, telling stories, stopping in a meadow for a football or soccer game, and the food is pretty good also. Such activities can leave an indelible positive mark on a child's life.
The third point raised by this prophetic tradition is to treat people with good character. We should constantly emphasize this. Our Prophet, peace upon him, has said, "I have only been sent to perfect good character." Muslims have historically been people known for their upstanding character. One of the greatest threats to Islamic character and manners is our contemporary youth culture, and one of the most destructive means conveying that culture is television.
One of the greatest things we can do for our children in terms of trying to instill good character in them is to get them away from the television. To be effective, we have to also endeavor to keep them away from children who watch television. This may seem like a daunting task. Fortunately, when they are younger and their universe is smaller and more controllable, this may not be as challenging as it appears. However, it is a communal task that requires a tremendous commitment on the part of many families.
Parents should encourage one another to form television-free communities. Islamic schools should consider an enrollment policy that requires homes to be television free for children to be admitted. This is very important, for if your child is going to an Islamic school and does not watch television, while his or her classmates are constantly reminding him or her what Brittney Spears is up to, or how great the Rolling Stones were during halftime at the Super Bowl, much of what you are trying to accomplish will be readily and easily undermined.
Saying this, I am not advocating an absolute ban on viewing motion pictures. Families can promise their children a weekly movie if they do well in school. They can gather their children to watch documentaries, nature shows, and other commercial-free fare that is controlled by the adults. Having some televised entertainment and education help to prevent the deep longing for the medium that can develop in children that are totally cut off from it.
The main thing to avoid is commercialized network television. The overt and subliminal messages involving everything from the glorification of criminality, to the belittling disrespect of elders, crass sexual exploitation, blatant inducements to become involved in a destructive consumer culture, and the irreverent denigration of religious themes, make viewing commercial television arguably questionable from a religious perspective. Many programs clearly have hidden agendas involving normalizing practices that Muslims hold forbidden, such as witchcraft or homosexuality. I would argue that any parent who allows their children to watch network television is derelict in their parental duties.
As we mention above, we can provide alternatives to network television. We can gather our children for a weekly movie with their friends, complete with the popcorn. We can select wholesome films whose content we have previewed. Hence, we are not talking about draconian measures that leave the concerned parent with no viable options for their children.
One of the most destructive effects of television is that it reinforces the false idea that between childhood and adulthood there is an increasingly longer adolescent phase, during which what are functionally adults are permitted to continue to act like children. When we travel to visit the Muslim world, we are amazed to see that in the villages and other areas not deeply affected by modernity, there is no adolescent phase. Older children are working the fields, selling in the marketplace, and taking care of younger siblings just like little adults. The silliness, giddiness, and irresponsibility we see even amongst many college students here in the West is totally absent.
That used to be the case here in America. Marriages between thirteen and fourteen year olds were once common. Thomas Edison was a self-made millionaire before he was fifteen years old. George Washington was an accomplished social and political thinker at the age of fifteen. Grammar schools equipped children with the tools to engage in the formation of mature thoughts before completing grade six. Now many university graduates have absolutely no exposure to logic, nor any of the other basics of a classical education.
We should also understand that America became great on the basis of significant and tangible characteristics and principles. If the generality of people in this country abandon those characteristics, as a community, we should try to retain them. These include a sound work ethic, willingness to sacrifice, hard work, thriftiness, respect for authority, courtesy, etiquettes, sound manners, empathy for the weak, and many other traits. Not only are these principles being undermined by many aspects of popular youth culture, in many instances the exact opposite values are being encouraged.
We have to constantly encourage good character and manners in our children. "Did you say please?" "You didn't say thank you." "You should have held the door for the lady coming into the store after you." Such urgings have to be constantly repeated until the desired traits become ingrained in our children. Repetition in many situations is a great pedagogical tool. It goes without saying that constantly repeated instructions also have to be diligently reinforced by adult example.
Again, is important to emphasize that this type of training should be carried out in a pleasant manner. We should try to avoid raising our voices and nagging. We should convey messages such as those mentioned above in a subtle, gentle way that almost sneaks up on our children. However, we should not avoid being firm in situations that demand firmness. God-willing we will be able to raise a generation that acts on the basis of good character.
The three points emphasized by this prophetic tradition should clearly be goals in our child rearing and education programs. A fourth thing that is also extremely important is to teach our children the love of the Prophet, peace upon him. We should start by taking the time to remind them who the Prophet, peace upon him, was, and what he looked like. We should inform them what his height was, how he kept his hair, what color his hair was, what his build was, what color of his eyes was, how his complexion was, etc. By educating them about his physical characteristics, he becomes more than an abstraction. We must endeavor to make him real for them.
Many of our Muslim children can tell you how tall LeBron James is, how much he weighs, what color his eyes are, where he went to high school, and how much his sneakers contract is worth. But they cannot mention a single attribute of their Prophet, peace upon him. This is an unacceptable situation we should strive to remedy.
Perhaps we could develop cards about the Prophet and the companions, just as we have baseball, and basketball cards featuring sports figures. Valuable information about our important personages could be conveyed in this way. Who was the tallest companion? Who lived the longest among them? They could trade these cards among themselves. Again, this would be an informal way of conveying information that we usually limit to formal settings. Familiarization is a key ingredient in the cultivation of love. It is difficult to love someone you do not know.
We should also praise our children when they display prophetic character. That praise should be directly linked to the Prophet, peace upon him. For example, "The prophet will love what you did for that cat because he taught us to be kind and merciful to all creatures." Perhaps your child will come one day and relate an incident like he following: "The kids found a bird at school today, it could not fly. Everyone was throwing rocks at it, but I didn't throw any rocks. I tried to stop them." We should enthusiastically respond, "That was so great! God and His Prophet, peace upon him, will really love you for that. God will show you mercy one day for your mercy to that bird." Now they not only feel good because they did something pleasing to you, they feel good because they did something pleasing to God and His Prophet, peace upon him.
Once again, these are practical lessons that occur in the context of our everyday life, and not formal lessons, abstracted from any meaningful context. If we merely related to them in a classroom, the Prophet, peace upon him, did this, or said that, we deny them any agency in their education. The former, more informal approach emphasizing that they themselves did this or that in a manner consistent with prophetic teaching, allows them to take agency in their religious life. This is empowering for them and can go a long way towards fostering a healthy Islamic identity.
Another bit of beneficial advice, culled from the prophetic teachings, is avoiding feeding our children the very best of food all the time. This teaching is a reflection of the fact that the way of the Prophets, peace upon them, is moderation. For example, we should avoid constantly giving them ice cream, pizzas, and other types of food they find particularly enjoyable. We should try to give them ordinary food as much as possible. Then, when we do periodically give them something they really like, it is so much more enjoyable for them. This is one way to get them to appreciate the blessings of God. If we constantly give them the best of food and constantly give them the food they like, they'll take the blessings of God for granted. That is something that can make their hearts become hard or cold.
Similarly, we should not give our kids the best of clothes even if we can afford to do so. Doing so could also lead to them taking the blessings of God for granted, and it might cause them to arrogate themselves over poorer children. Dressing them in the very best and finest of clothes might also make poorer children jealous of them and then make fun of them to attempt to belittle them because they see them as being better than themselves. On the other hand, one should try to avoid dressing them shabbily as that might lower their self-esteem. We should try to maintain the balance that is characteristic of our religion. This balance will help them avoid developing arrogant, condescending, or insecure personalities.
We should get them accustomed to manual work. I recently asked a group of Muslims if anyone of them had ever changed a flat tire. No one in the entire assembly answered affirmatively. These are the sort of things every child should learn how to do. At Islamic schools we can have local mechanics come in to give short courses on the basics of automobile maintenance. When our male children reach their teenage years we can arrange for apprenticeships for them at a local Muslim mechanics shop during summer vacations. We can make arrangements to pay for the child's "salary" ourselves. Gardening is a great activity for both boys and the girls. Our children should learn to get their hands dirty.
We might also consider sending our high school and college age youth to work in Muslim refugee camps. This is a great way to help develop a healthy social consciousness in them. It also gets them close to the earth. Children who have visited such areas generally become a lot more appreciative of the blessings they enjoy here. Our Prophet, peace upon him, knew the value of work. He was a shepherd; and he guided caravans across the desert. These activities were integral in shaping his character.
We should start training our children in the martial arts at an early age. If they grow up practicing a particular art it will become easy and natural for them. If a child started a particular martial art at six or seven years old, when he or she is twenty-one, they would have studied that art for fifteen years and would be an absolute master.
Studying the martial arts is not to enable them to bully other children. It is a means for them to have healthy self-esteem. That makes it easier for them to be Muslim in a sometimes hostile environment. If they know they can defend themselves, it makes it easier to deal with the pressure and potential intimidation that comes from being different.
That is something that is very important for our children. A person who is confident in himself would never start a fight. The best martial artist is the one you would never suspect, not the one beating on his chest, flexing his muscles and elbowing people. This is something that is very important in the healthy development of our boys and girls.
In conclusion, we should try to make the space for the children to be children, to enjoy their childhood years. However, we must let them know that these years are preparation for adult life, and that adulthood is very serious. That coming seriousness though should not be used as a justification to overwhelm them. Moderation provides a golden means. Respecting that means helps us to avoid the extreme of an overindulgent childhood followed by a period of perpetual adolescence, just as it helps us to avoid stultifying, rigid, overbearing child rearing practices that can effectively rob our children of a rich childhood . Hopefully we can remain balanced, giving our young generation the space to be children, but letting them know that they're preparing for a serious life.
Footnote: [1] Imam Abu `Isa Muhammad bin `Isa at-Tirmidhi, Jami' at-Tirmidhi
(Riyadh: Dar As-Salaam, 1999/1420), p. 460, no. 1987.
[2] Testifying is another activity the many converts from Christianity are familiar with. Believers, in a public setting, testify to the affect the Gospel has had on their lives. This is a great group activity that Muslims should encourage. Stories of how a person converted to Islam, why another began serious about the religion after a life of sin or other personal narratives can have a tremendous impact on Muslim children, especially those who may be struggling trying to live a righteous life.
Published: May 22, 2006
When we talk about Islamic education and our children, the discussion usually revolves around strictly academic issues related to technical aspects of curriculum development, testing standards and methodologies, balancing between secular and religious education, and similar concerns. Sometimes we miss the greater objective of an Islamic education. That objective, in terms of what is necessary for the immediate success of our children in this world, and their ultimate success in the next, is nurturing balanced, wholesome, honest human beings who live lives based on principle and who exemplify good character in their dealings with other people.
The basis for the obtainment of this objective is captured in the following prophetic tradition, "Be mindful of God wherever you are, and follow up any misdeed you might do with a good deed that will wipe it out (being weightier in the scale). And deal with people on the basis of good character."[1] I will endeavor to expound on some of the relevant lessons from this tradition in the balance of this article.
This tradition mentions three very important things that should be fundamental to our educational endeavor. The first is endeavoring to instill a healthy fear of God in the child. Part of that endeavor lies in imparting to our children some of the aspects of what Americans refer to as "that old-time religion." Many aspects of what actually constitutes that old-time religion are sometimes viewed as prudish or unfashionable in today's society. However, they involve religious themes that have been instrumental in guiding people for millennia.
One of the bases of "that old-time religion" is a healthy fear of God. That fear, which has to be balanced by hope for God's mercy, revolves around the awareness that God's punishment is real. Hell and its torments are real. The retribution of those who have behaved wrongfully in the world is real. Sometimes we can become so engrossed with intellectualized discussions of our religion, so steeped in philosophical discourse, that we forget, at the end of the day, the hard realities mentioned above. If as adults we are heedless concerning these things, it is difficult for us to realize their importance for our children, especially during their formative years.
Cultivating a healthy fear of God is rooted in mindfulness of Him.
Mindfulness is a prerequisite for fear. For this reason, one of the initial goals of the spiritual path is cultivating fear of God. This is the initial thrust that propels the aspirant through subsequent stages of true human development. As one wise man once mentioned, "The fountainhead of all wisdom is the fear of God." It is mentioned in the Qur'an, Rather it is His righteous servants who fear God. {Al-Qur'an 35:28] This fear is one of the keys to Paradise. God says, As for one who fears the station of his Lord, and guards his soul against the things it inclines towards, Paradise will be his refuge. [Al-Qur'an 79:40-41]
Hence, the fear of God is something we should endeavor to instill in our children. One way to do that is to remind them that transgression incurs punishment. That punishment can occur in ways great and small. For example, we might tell our children "Don't touch that stove! You're going to burn your hand." Despite this warning they touch it. We follow up, "See? You disobeyed me, and you burned your hand." We can then suggest, "One day, if we disobey God in this world, we're going to burn our entire body." They might not understand this latter warning, but as they grow, the message will increasingly resonate.
Someone might consider such a warning harsh or inappropriate.
However, this is one of the essential messages of the Qur'an. Namely, disobedience can have painful consequences. If we do not try to instill that message into our children at a young age, we may inadvertently be depriving them of the conceptual basis to subsequently understand one of the most critical messages of the Qur'an.
Of course such messages have to be presented with gentleness and wisdom. Our intention should never be to overwhelm our children. However, we should take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves in everyday life.
While every responsible parent endeavors to keep their children's hopes and dreams alive, we have to also let them know that there is something to aspire towards beyond this world. Just as our life in a real sense, did not begin with our physical emergence from our mother's womb, it does not stop with our entrance into the grave. When we journey to the next life, we will suffer or enjoy the negative or positive consequences of the actions we did in this world. By using situations we find everyday, we can emphasize, according to our experience and our children's cognitive abilities, this message.
The second point emphasized by the tradition we are discussing is encouraging a spirit of repentance in our children. As we mentioned, sins and transgression involve consequences. With sincere repentance those consequences can be eradicated. Emphasizing this point and further emphasizing other manifestations of God's mercy provide a balance that mitigates the harshness that might accrue by focusing on the reality of divine retribution and punishment. God is most willing to accept repentance. He is most merciful.
Again, we can take advantage of situations occurring in our everyday lives to cultivate a repentant spirit in our children. If they tell a lie, we can mention how inappropriate and harmful lies are. We can then add, "You are going to have to ask God to forgive you." Not only do situations such as this introduce the child to the idea of repentance, they also encourage them to get in the habit of communicating with God. One of the things missing from many of our Muslim homes is active communion with God.
Many of us who have converted to Islam from Christianity remember how we were in the habit of saying our nightly prayers. Such devotional acts provided sweetness to our faith. Although we may have found a superior creed when we adopted Islam, in some cases we find that the sweetness to be found in intimate discourses with God gradually leaves our lives. Prayerful repentance is one way we can begin to recapture that sweetness, and to encourage it in our children's lives.
Another advantage to be found in using everyday situations to convey meaningful lessons to our children is that they allow us opportunities for informal lessons. We can teach without stopping everything to sit down for a formal "lesson." If we tell our children when they tell a lie, for example, "We are going to sit down and have a little lesson on repentance. First of all, you have to immediately stop your sins. Secondly, you have to vow to never repeat the sinful act. Thirdly, you have to express remorse for having committed the sin. And fourthly, if the sin is associated with the right of another human being, you have to restore that right." Children generally dislike being lectured to, and the lesson probably will not be too effective.
It would probably be more effective to emphasize, informally, how bad lying is, the need to ask God's forgiveness, and conveying a firm threat to wash out the child's mouth with soap if they tell another lie. Of course, such threats have to be credible. They might not involve soap, but they should involve something that will be remembered by the child, without being harmful. What is important is conveying the gravity and seriousness of lying or other negative speech or behavior. Repentance is a desirable at both the individual and at the communal level. God says in the Qur'an, So turn in repentance altogether, you believers, in order that you be successful. [Al-Qur'an 24:31]
Hence, this particular point is relevant for all of us, not just the children. Repentance is very important and has to be constantly encouraged in order to become a natural action for a developing child. In addition to reminding our children to repent and asking God's forgiveness when they slip, we should also encourage them to ask His forgiveness when they say their nightly prayers.
This brings up another very important point. We should try to get our children in the habit of saying nightly prayers. As they become older, they can be taught the prophetic supplications and invocations to be said at night and before retiring. However, at younger ages cultivating a free and open communion with God is a very powerful practice. Sleep itself is our lesser death. Our children reminding themselves that God alone can bring them safely through the night; that He alone restores their consciousness after sleep; that He alone has the power to take our soul whenever He chooses, are all messages that cultivate a healthy god-consciousness.
Another very important part of our children's Islamic upbringing, something we generally neglect as a community, involves their participation in "fun" activities that involve a cross section of the community. One such activity is hiking. Hikes are accommodating to the young and old. Hence, children and adults can get involved together. Furthermore, while outdoor activities such as hiking are not religious activities per say, something appreciated by the older children who may be struggling with their Islamic identity, they provide great settings to involve the children in group devotional activities such prayer, Qur'an reading, Dhikr, or testimonials.[2]
Such activities also provide a setting where children can interact with community elders in an informal, nonreligious setting. Many children may not appreciate the fact that the local Imam has studied Islam for twenty years and is a master of Arabic rhetoric. However, when they see that the elderly gentleman can climb a hill much faster than they can, or jump over a stream unscathed while their boots are filled with water, they have an accessible basis for respecting the Imam. This opens up doors for a deeper personal relationship that will facilitate their subsequent willingness to benefit from his religious knowledge and experience.
Such activities are very positive because they also allow children to see that they have an Islamic identity group that is larger than their individual and possibly isolated family. They are with fifty Muslims trekking through the woods, calling cadences, singing songs, telling stories, stopping in a meadow for a football or soccer game, and the food is pretty good also. Such activities can leave an indelible positive mark on a child's life.
The third point raised by this prophetic tradition is to treat people with good character. We should constantly emphasize this. Our Prophet, peace upon him, has said, "I have only been sent to perfect good character." Muslims have historically been people known for their upstanding character. One of the greatest threats to Islamic character and manners is our contemporary youth culture, and one of the most destructive means conveying that culture is television.
One of the greatest things we can do for our children in terms of trying to instill good character in them is to get them away from the television. To be effective, we have to also endeavor to keep them away from children who watch television. This may seem like a daunting task. Fortunately, when they are younger and their universe is smaller and more controllable, this may not be as challenging as it appears. However, it is a communal task that requires a tremendous commitment on the part of many families.
Parents should encourage one another to form television-free communities. Islamic schools should consider an enrollment policy that requires homes to be television free for children to be admitted. This is very important, for if your child is going to an Islamic school and does not watch television, while his or her classmates are constantly reminding him or her what Brittney Spears is up to, or how great the Rolling Stones were during halftime at the Super Bowl, much of what you are trying to accomplish will be readily and easily undermined.
Saying this, I am not advocating an absolute ban on viewing motion pictures. Families can promise their children a weekly movie if they do well in school. They can gather their children to watch documentaries, nature shows, and other commercial-free fare that is controlled by the adults. Having some televised entertainment and education help to prevent the deep longing for the medium that can develop in children that are totally cut off from it.
The main thing to avoid is commercialized network television. The overt and subliminal messages involving everything from the glorification of criminality, to the belittling disrespect of elders, crass sexual exploitation, blatant inducements to become involved in a destructive consumer culture, and the irreverent denigration of religious themes, make viewing commercial television arguably questionable from a religious perspective. Many programs clearly have hidden agendas involving normalizing practices that Muslims hold forbidden, such as witchcraft or homosexuality. I would argue that any parent who allows their children to watch network television is derelict in their parental duties.
As we mention above, we can provide alternatives to network television. We can gather our children for a weekly movie with their friends, complete with the popcorn. We can select wholesome films whose content we have previewed. Hence, we are not talking about draconian measures that leave the concerned parent with no viable options for their children.
One of the most destructive effects of television is that it reinforces the false idea that between childhood and adulthood there is an increasingly longer adolescent phase, during which what are functionally adults are permitted to continue to act like children. When we travel to visit the Muslim world, we are amazed to see that in the villages and other areas not deeply affected by modernity, there is no adolescent phase. Older children are working the fields, selling in the marketplace, and taking care of younger siblings just like little adults. The silliness, giddiness, and irresponsibility we see even amongst many college students here in the West is totally absent.
That used to be the case here in America. Marriages between thirteen and fourteen year olds were once common. Thomas Edison was a self-made millionaire before he was fifteen years old. George Washington was an accomplished social and political thinker at the age of fifteen. Grammar schools equipped children with the tools to engage in the formation of mature thoughts before completing grade six. Now many university graduates have absolutely no exposure to logic, nor any of the other basics of a classical education.
We should also understand that America became great on the basis of significant and tangible characteristics and principles. If the generality of people in this country abandon those characteristics, as a community, we should try to retain them. These include a sound work ethic, willingness to sacrifice, hard work, thriftiness, respect for authority, courtesy, etiquettes, sound manners, empathy for the weak, and many other traits. Not only are these principles being undermined by many aspects of popular youth culture, in many instances the exact opposite values are being encouraged.
We have to constantly encourage good character and manners in our children. "Did you say please?" "You didn't say thank you." "You should have held the door for the lady coming into the store after you." Such urgings have to be constantly repeated until the desired traits become ingrained in our children. Repetition in many situations is a great pedagogical tool. It goes without saying that constantly repeated instructions also have to be diligently reinforced by adult example.
Again, is important to emphasize that this type of training should be carried out in a pleasant manner. We should try to avoid raising our voices and nagging. We should convey messages such as those mentioned above in a subtle, gentle way that almost sneaks up on our children. However, we should not avoid being firm in situations that demand firmness. God-willing we will be able to raise a generation that acts on the basis of good character.
The three points emphasized by this prophetic tradition should clearly be goals in our child rearing and education programs. A fourth thing that is also extremely important is to teach our children the love of the Prophet, peace upon him. We should start by taking the time to remind them who the Prophet, peace upon him, was, and what he looked like. We should inform them what his height was, how he kept his hair, what color his hair was, what his build was, what color of his eyes was, how his complexion was, etc. By educating them about his physical characteristics, he becomes more than an abstraction. We must endeavor to make him real for them.
Many of our Muslim children can tell you how tall LeBron James is, how much he weighs, what color his eyes are, where he went to high school, and how much his sneakers contract is worth. But they cannot mention a single attribute of their Prophet, peace upon him. This is an unacceptable situation we should strive to remedy.
Perhaps we could develop cards about the Prophet and the companions, just as we have baseball, and basketball cards featuring sports figures. Valuable information about our important personages could be conveyed in this way. Who was the tallest companion? Who lived the longest among them? They could trade these cards among themselves. Again, this would be an informal way of conveying information that we usually limit to formal settings. Familiarization is a key ingredient in the cultivation of love. It is difficult to love someone you do not know.
We should also praise our children when they display prophetic character. That praise should be directly linked to the Prophet, peace upon him. For example, "The prophet will love what you did for that cat because he taught us to be kind and merciful to all creatures." Perhaps your child will come one day and relate an incident like he following: "The kids found a bird at school today, it could not fly. Everyone was throwing rocks at it, but I didn't throw any rocks. I tried to stop them." We should enthusiastically respond, "That was so great! God and His Prophet, peace upon him, will really love you for that. God will show you mercy one day for your mercy to that bird." Now they not only feel good because they did something pleasing to you, they feel good because they did something pleasing to God and His Prophet, peace upon him.
Once again, these are practical lessons that occur in the context of our everyday life, and not formal lessons, abstracted from any meaningful context. If we merely related to them in a classroom, the Prophet, peace upon him, did this, or said that, we deny them any agency in their education. The former, more informal approach emphasizing that they themselves did this or that in a manner consistent with prophetic teaching, allows them to take agency in their religious life. This is empowering for them and can go a long way towards fostering a healthy Islamic identity.
Another bit of beneficial advice, culled from the prophetic teachings, is avoiding feeding our children the very best of food all the time. This teaching is a reflection of the fact that the way of the Prophets, peace upon them, is moderation. For example, we should avoid constantly giving them ice cream, pizzas, and other types of food they find particularly enjoyable. We should try to give them ordinary food as much as possible. Then, when we do periodically give them something they really like, it is so much more enjoyable for them. This is one way to get them to appreciate the blessings of God. If we constantly give them the best of food and constantly give them the food they like, they'll take the blessings of God for granted. That is something that can make their hearts become hard or cold.
Similarly, we should not give our kids the best of clothes even if we can afford to do so. Doing so could also lead to them taking the blessings of God for granted, and it might cause them to arrogate themselves over poorer children. Dressing them in the very best and finest of clothes might also make poorer children jealous of them and then make fun of them to attempt to belittle them because they see them as being better than themselves. On the other hand, one should try to avoid dressing them shabbily as that might lower their self-esteem. We should try to maintain the balance that is characteristic of our religion. This balance will help them avoid developing arrogant, condescending, or insecure personalities.
We should get them accustomed to manual work. I recently asked a group of Muslims if anyone of them had ever changed a flat tire. No one in the entire assembly answered affirmatively. These are the sort of things every child should learn how to do. At Islamic schools we can have local mechanics come in to give short courses on the basics of automobile maintenance. When our male children reach their teenage years we can arrange for apprenticeships for them at a local Muslim mechanics shop during summer vacations. We can make arrangements to pay for the child's "salary" ourselves. Gardening is a great activity for both boys and the girls. Our children should learn to get their hands dirty.
We might also consider sending our high school and college age youth to work in Muslim refugee camps. This is a great way to help develop a healthy social consciousness in them. It also gets them close to the earth. Children who have visited such areas generally become a lot more appreciative of the blessings they enjoy here. Our Prophet, peace upon him, knew the value of work. He was a shepherd; and he guided caravans across the desert. These activities were integral in shaping his character.
We should start training our children in the martial arts at an early age. If they grow up practicing a particular art it will become easy and natural for them. If a child started a particular martial art at six or seven years old, when he or she is twenty-one, they would have studied that art for fifteen years and would be an absolute master.
Studying the martial arts is not to enable them to bully other children. It is a means for them to have healthy self-esteem. That makes it easier for them to be Muslim in a sometimes hostile environment. If they know they can defend themselves, it makes it easier to deal with the pressure and potential intimidation that comes from being different.
That is something that is very important for our children. A person who is confident in himself would never start a fight. The best martial artist is the one you would never suspect, not the one beating on his chest, flexing his muscles and elbowing people. This is something that is very important in the healthy development of our boys and girls.
In conclusion, we should try to make the space for the children to be children, to enjoy their childhood years. However, we must let them know that these years are preparation for adult life, and that adulthood is very serious. That coming seriousness though should not be used as a justification to overwhelm them. Moderation provides a golden means. Respecting that means helps us to avoid the extreme of an overindulgent childhood followed by a period of perpetual adolescence, just as it helps us to avoid stultifying, rigid, overbearing child rearing practices that can effectively rob our children of a rich childhood . Hopefully we can remain balanced, giving our young generation the space to be children, but letting them know that they're preparing for a serious life.
Footnote: [1] Imam Abu `Isa Muhammad bin `Isa at-Tirmidhi, Jami' at-Tirmidhi
(Riyadh: Dar As-Salaam, 1999/1420), p. 460, no. 1987.
[2] Testifying is another activity the many converts from Christianity are familiar with. Believers, in a public setting, testify to the affect the Gospel has had on their lives. This is a great group activity that Muslims should encourage. Stories of how a person converted to Islam, why another began serious about the religion after a life of sin or other personal narratives can have a tremendous impact on Muslim children, especially those who may be struggling trying to live a righteous life.
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