[Taken from the Simple Dollar]
There was a time about eight years ago when I woke up thinking about the possessions I had and the money I was earning. I was a collector of stuff and I was immensely proud of the money I was earning. Not only did I want lots of stuff for my own enjoyment, I also wanted to flaunt it to a certain extent.
Over time, though, I began to realize that something was missing in my life. There were things that I wanted in my life that were drifting farther and farther away from me.
I wanted the freedom to write for a living because I deeply enjoy the written word.
I wanted a strong relationship with my wife.
I wanted a strong relationship with my children and to raise them into a self-reliant and curiosity-filled adulthood.
I wanted time to read and enjoy books – not to collect them, but to read and enjoy them.
I wanted to build a close circle of friends that would stick with me through thick and thin (as I would stick with them).
My life was focused heavily on my income and possessions, but it really felt empty after a while.
Eventually, after I realized that I really needed to turn my financial situation around, I began to really focus on the things above as the center of my life. Each of them – along with another focus or two that I’ve added since then – pushes me to build a great life that I enjoy without spending money.
Writing only requires a computer and trips to the library to do research.
A relationship with my wife requires just time and attention, as does a relationship with my children.
Reading just requires time, along with those aforementioned trips to the library.
A close circle of friends mostly just requires time and attention.
Better health (a newer focus) requires time to exercise and attention to the foods I eat.
There’s no significant money being spent on any of these things, yet they fill up the vast majority of my time and attention. These are the components of a life that I’m happy leading.
For me, a major key to financial success was simply taking stock of my life and figuring out what I wanted most from it. When you’re not doing that, it’s easy to get distracted by the constant hum of consumerism that fills life in the United States, from the advertisements to the product placement within programs, from the social influences to the pressure to be seen as affluent.
Take some time to step back and ask yourself what’s genuinely important to you. What really matters in your life? Step back from the things you invest your time, money, and energy into and focus instead on maximizing those things that matter most to you.
You might find that financial success comes easier than you think.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Are you ready to change?
[Taken from Simple Dollar]
When I first entered college, I was not mentally prepared for it. I didn’t have adequate study skills, nor did I have the focus or patience to do the work that needed to be done to really succeed. My first two and a half years of college were spent simply focusing on doing the minimum I needed to do to keep my scholarships.
At about the end of my fifth semester or so, I woke up. I went from struggling to stay in school to making the dean’s list while majoring in two hard sciences. I couldn’t completely undo the performance of my first three years in school, but I certainly left college on a completely different trajectory than when I entered it.
When I was mentally ready for it, I was completely able to take control of my education and career trajectory.
Later on, I spent myself into a pretty deep financial hole. We had a mountain of credit card and other consumer debt. Throughout 2004 and 2005, we just kept spending and spending, digging the hole deeper and deeper.
When our first child arrived on the scene, my perspective began to change on a lot of things in my life. I began to realize that I was not only responsible for my own path, but for the path of this tiny child. I turned the ship around, and today Sarah and I own a home and are completely debt free.
When I was mentally ready for it, I was completely able to take control of my finances.
Sometimes, we’re not mentally ready for the things we need to do in our lives.
I see it all the time in people around me. There are people who are just not ready to go through the hard steps needed to correct their finances or get on a different career path. They’re more interested in maximizing their enjoyment of this very moment and they just assume tomorrow will figure itself out.
I see it in myself. There are personal challenges I’d love to take on, but I often feel like I just don’t quite have it in me to make a success out of those things.
If you’re not fully on board with the changes you want to make, you’ll find it very difficult to make those changes.
So, what can you do? You’re aware of a change that needs to be made, but you’re just not quite on board with it. What’s next?
For me, introspection works better than anything. I’ve found that, time and time again, I’ve reached breakthroughs in my life by constantly looking at my life and asking myself what I want out of it and what I need to do to get there.
When I’m not ready to achieve something, the answers aren’t there yet. The key is to keep asking. Keep thinking about it. Keep reading. Keep translating that reading into the reality of your own life.
The first step is recognizing that a change needs to happen.
The second step is digging into your life and really understanding what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed.
After that, the journey can go in a lot of different directions. Different things work well for different people as long as you have that foundation of understanding what needs changed and you’re truly committed to it. Without that foundation, changing your life is next to impossible.
When I first entered college, I was not mentally prepared for it. I didn’t have adequate study skills, nor did I have the focus or patience to do the work that needed to be done to really succeed. My first two and a half years of college were spent simply focusing on doing the minimum I needed to do to keep my scholarships.
At about the end of my fifth semester or so, I woke up. I went from struggling to stay in school to making the dean’s list while majoring in two hard sciences. I couldn’t completely undo the performance of my first three years in school, but I certainly left college on a completely different trajectory than when I entered it.
When I was mentally ready for it, I was completely able to take control of my education and career trajectory.
Later on, I spent myself into a pretty deep financial hole. We had a mountain of credit card and other consumer debt. Throughout 2004 and 2005, we just kept spending and spending, digging the hole deeper and deeper.
When our first child arrived on the scene, my perspective began to change on a lot of things in my life. I began to realize that I was not only responsible for my own path, but for the path of this tiny child. I turned the ship around, and today Sarah and I own a home and are completely debt free.
When I was mentally ready for it, I was completely able to take control of my finances.
Sometimes, we’re not mentally ready for the things we need to do in our lives.
I see it all the time in people around me. There are people who are just not ready to go through the hard steps needed to correct their finances or get on a different career path. They’re more interested in maximizing their enjoyment of this very moment and they just assume tomorrow will figure itself out.
I see it in myself. There are personal challenges I’d love to take on, but I often feel like I just don’t quite have it in me to make a success out of those things.
If you’re not fully on board with the changes you want to make, you’ll find it very difficult to make those changes.
So, what can you do? You’re aware of a change that needs to be made, but you’re just not quite on board with it. What’s next?
For me, introspection works better than anything. I’ve found that, time and time again, I’ve reached breakthroughs in my life by constantly looking at my life and asking myself what I want out of it and what I need to do to get there.
When I’m not ready to achieve something, the answers aren’t there yet. The key is to keep asking. Keep thinking about it. Keep reading. Keep translating that reading into the reality of your own life.
The first step is recognizing that a change needs to happen.
The second step is digging into your life and really understanding what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed.
After that, the journey can go in a lot of different directions. Different things work well for different people as long as you have that foundation of understanding what needs changed and you’re truly committed to it. Without that foundation, changing your life is next to impossible.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Our Enemy Is Resistance, and We Shall Defeat It
[Taken from Simple Dollar]
When I get up in the morning, I know that I should exercise, but I often really don’t want to do it. I usually have a checklist of other things I need to do, so I’ll use that as an excuse. Some days, I’ll find some minor physical reason not to do it (“I have a tiny blister on my toe” or “I think I have a cold coming on” or “My knee hurts”). Other days, I’ll not even think about it. The easiest path often seems to be the one that doesn’t involve exercise.
Resistance.
When I was trying to get my financial life in order, my entire social network was full of cues to spend money. The television programs I watched depicted affluent and interesting people who just happened to have things that were compelling to me in some way. I felt like my family expected me to buy nice gifts and treat them to meals when they came to visit. The easiest path seemed to be the one that involved spending more money.
Resistance.
When I’m trying to adopt any life change, there are always a lot of reasons not to do it. Usually, it’s much easier to just keep doing things the way I’m doing things. It’s comfortable. I understand it. I know it’s not going to hurt to stick with the status quo, at least not in the short term. My family hints that this change might not be the best idea.
Resistance.
Our enemy is resistance, and we shall defeat it.
Here are our weapons in this battle.
Forge a new path of least resistance. Fighting to overcome the munchies? Toss all of the unhealthy munchies out of your home (take them to a food pantry, for example). That way, the easiest path to getting your snack fix involves eating something healthy. Fighting to exercise more? Reserve a parking spot as far from your workplace as possible, or put your jogging shoes right in front of your door so that you have to actively move them to avoid them.
Use some motivation. Why are you really making this change? Hold that motivator front and center. For a long time, I kept my credit cards wrapped in a photograph of my children. I’ve started using a picture of me at my heaviest (although that’s about fifty pounds heavier than I am now) in several places to encourage exercise.
Make simple milestones. There’s a reason so many of my friends have found success with the “Couch to 5k” running program. It sets up simple little milestones that can easily be achieved, but they’re still enough to fill you with accomplishment each step of the way. If you’re working towards something new, set up little milestones for yourself.
Track your progress – but not too much. Tracking your financial situation too frequently will give you a false sense of failing because of the short-term impact of bills and the like. Similarly, tracking your weight too frequently will give you a false sense of failure because of short-term weight fluctuations. Check it once a month and be proud of what you’ve achieved. Make that checking day important – mark it on your calendar and give it some psychological weight, so that you’re looking forward to it throughout the month.
Use social pressure. Find someone to share in your goal, either face-to-face or on the internet. Share your progress extensively and cheer the successes of the others involved in the goal. A community of people all striving toward the same individual goals can be a very powerful method for minimizing resistance to change.
These are your tools. Use them wisely.
When I get up in the morning, I know that I should exercise, but I often really don’t want to do it. I usually have a checklist of other things I need to do, so I’ll use that as an excuse. Some days, I’ll find some minor physical reason not to do it (“I have a tiny blister on my toe” or “I think I have a cold coming on” or “My knee hurts”). Other days, I’ll not even think about it. The easiest path often seems to be the one that doesn’t involve exercise.
Resistance.
When I was trying to get my financial life in order, my entire social network was full of cues to spend money. The television programs I watched depicted affluent and interesting people who just happened to have things that were compelling to me in some way. I felt like my family expected me to buy nice gifts and treat them to meals when they came to visit. The easiest path seemed to be the one that involved spending more money.
Resistance.
When I’m trying to adopt any life change, there are always a lot of reasons not to do it. Usually, it’s much easier to just keep doing things the way I’m doing things. It’s comfortable. I understand it. I know it’s not going to hurt to stick with the status quo, at least not in the short term. My family hints that this change might not be the best idea.
Resistance.
Our enemy is resistance, and we shall defeat it.
Here are our weapons in this battle.
Forge a new path of least resistance. Fighting to overcome the munchies? Toss all of the unhealthy munchies out of your home (take them to a food pantry, for example). That way, the easiest path to getting your snack fix involves eating something healthy. Fighting to exercise more? Reserve a parking spot as far from your workplace as possible, or put your jogging shoes right in front of your door so that you have to actively move them to avoid them.
Use some motivation. Why are you really making this change? Hold that motivator front and center. For a long time, I kept my credit cards wrapped in a photograph of my children. I’ve started using a picture of me at my heaviest (although that’s about fifty pounds heavier than I am now) in several places to encourage exercise.
Make simple milestones. There’s a reason so many of my friends have found success with the “Couch to 5k” running program. It sets up simple little milestones that can easily be achieved, but they’re still enough to fill you with accomplishment each step of the way. If you’re working towards something new, set up little milestones for yourself.
Track your progress – but not too much. Tracking your financial situation too frequently will give you a false sense of failing because of the short-term impact of bills and the like. Similarly, tracking your weight too frequently will give you a false sense of failure because of short-term weight fluctuations. Check it once a month and be proud of what you’ve achieved. Make that checking day important – mark it on your calendar and give it some psychological weight, so that you’re looking forward to it throughout the month.
Use social pressure. Find someone to share in your goal, either face-to-face or on the internet. Share your progress extensively and cheer the successes of the others involved in the goal. A community of people all striving toward the same individual goals can be a very powerful method for minimizing resistance to change.
These are your tools. Use them wisely.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Description of Paradise
A section of Ibn Al-Qayyim’s introduction to his work on the description of paradise called “Haadi Al-Arwaah ilaa bilaad Al-Afrah”
“And when those of certainty came to know what they were created for and for what purpose they came into existence they raised their heads high. When they knew that paradise was elevated for them they rolled up their sleeves for it. And that the straight path was made clear to them so they were firm as they traversed upon it. And they saw that the greatest inequity is to sell that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and has not been conjured up by the imagination of any soul in an eternity that never ends for a temporal life, rather something only like a false dream, or a vision that visits during sleep, corrupted by disturbances, paired with torments. If it brings some laughter it brings much weeping, and if it causes happiness one day it causes sadness for months. Its pains are greater than its pleasures and its sorrows are many folds greater than its happiness. The first of it is fear and the last of it is ruin.
What amazement at a fool in the shape of a wise person, and an imbecile in the clothes of a person of intellect, who preferred a portion that is perishable and lousy, over a portion that is eternal, and sold a paradise that is equal to the heavens and the earth for an earth that is a constricted prison shared amongst a people afflicted by impairments and calamities. And (sold) goodly homes in gardens of Eden under which rivers flow, for a camel stable- constricted and ends with ruin. And (sold) loving virgins, equal in age, as if they are like rubies and coral (in beauty), for foul, lowly women who would take a boyfriend or commit adultery. And Hoor with restricted gaze awaiting in tents, for filthy ones who would curse amongst the people. And (sold) rivers of wine a pure pleasure for those who drink, for an impure drink that does away with the mind and corrupts one’s wordly and religious life. And (sold) the pleasure of gazing at the Face of the All-Great and the Most Merciful, for the pleasure of glancing at hideous lowly faces. And (sold) the experience of listening to the address of Al-Rahman, for the experience of listening to music and singers. And (sold) the reclining on thrones of pearls, rubies and chrysolite on the Day of Increase for the reclining on gatherings of transgression with every wandering devil. And (sold) the calling of the caller “Oh people of paradise: For you here is everlasting bliss and no despair, and everlasting life and no death, and everlasting residence and no relocation, and everlasting youth and no aging” for the songs of singers...
It is paradise...so how amazing is it then, how could the one seeking it sleep? And how could the one courting it not accept its dowry? And how could one be pleased with living in this (earthly) abode after hearing its description? And how has the one who desires it been able to live without embracing its virgins? And how could the eyes of those who desire it glance away from it? And how could those who were certain of it be patient at not entering it? And how could the hearts of the majority of mankind be unconcerned with it? And with what did the souls of those who turned away replace it?
“And when those of certainty came to know what they were created for and for what purpose they came into existence they raised their heads high. When they knew that paradise was elevated for them they rolled up their sleeves for it. And that the straight path was made clear to them so they were firm as they traversed upon it. And they saw that the greatest inequity is to sell that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and has not been conjured up by the imagination of any soul in an eternity that never ends for a temporal life, rather something only like a false dream, or a vision that visits during sleep, corrupted by disturbances, paired with torments. If it brings some laughter it brings much weeping, and if it causes happiness one day it causes sadness for months. Its pains are greater than its pleasures and its sorrows are many folds greater than its happiness. The first of it is fear and the last of it is ruin.
What amazement at a fool in the shape of a wise person, and an imbecile in the clothes of a person of intellect, who preferred a portion that is perishable and lousy, over a portion that is eternal, and sold a paradise that is equal to the heavens and the earth for an earth that is a constricted prison shared amongst a people afflicted by impairments and calamities. And (sold) goodly homes in gardens of Eden under which rivers flow, for a camel stable- constricted and ends with ruin. And (sold) loving virgins, equal in age, as if they are like rubies and coral (in beauty), for foul, lowly women who would take a boyfriend or commit adultery. And Hoor with restricted gaze awaiting in tents, for filthy ones who would curse amongst the people. And (sold) rivers of wine a pure pleasure for those who drink, for an impure drink that does away with the mind and corrupts one’s wordly and religious life. And (sold) the pleasure of gazing at the Face of the All-Great and the Most Merciful, for the pleasure of glancing at hideous lowly faces. And (sold) the experience of listening to the address of Al-Rahman, for the experience of listening to music and singers. And (sold) the reclining on thrones of pearls, rubies and chrysolite on the Day of Increase for the reclining on gatherings of transgression with every wandering devil. And (sold) the calling of the caller “Oh people of paradise: For you here is everlasting bliss and no despair, and everlasting life and no death, and everlasting residence and no relocation, and everlasting youth and no aging” for the songs of singers...
It is paradise...so how amazing is it then, how could the one seeking it sleep? And how could the one courting it not accept its dowry? And how could one be pleased with living in this (earthly) abode after hearing its description? And how has the one who desires it been able to live without embracing its virgins? And how could the eyes of those who desire it glance away from it? And how could those who were certain of it be patient at not entering it? And how could the hearts of the majority of mankind be unconcerned with it? And with what did the souls of those who turned away replace it?
Monday, August 27, 2012
The Eyes of a Child
[Taken from Simple Dollar]
My youngest child has these deep blue eyes. If you tell him something that attracts his attention, he’ll stop and look at you with those piercing blue eyes for a moment, as though he’s trying to make up his mind whether or not you’re telling him something of real value.
Every day, his eyes are on me. Along with his two older siblings and his mother, I’m one of the people that he’s constantly using as a role model for figuring out the world.
If he sees me enjoying tomatoes, he’s willing to give them a try.
If he sees me brushing my teeth, he’ll head to the other bathroom to retrieve his own toothbrush.
If he sees me shaving, he’s ready to slap some shaving cream on his cheeks.
His idea of good behavior is coming, in large part, from me.
John Wooden, the great UCLA basketball coach and one of my personal heroes, once said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
It can be easy for me to try to behave well when my little blue-eyed boy is around. I can try to act like a good role model when he’s around. I can think more deliberately about my action when he’s watching me.
Children are too smart for that, though. They see the character behind the curtain. I certainly remember realizing that there were people who would do one thing when eyes were on them and then do another when no one else was around, and I was smart enough to know that the things they did when no one was around was the true reflection of who they were.
It’s not enough to behave well when my child is watching. I must have the character from which good behavior comes naturally.
For example, the best way to show my child that you can have a lot of fun at home with whatever you have on hand is to have a lot of fun at home with whatever you have on hand.
If I want my child to see that adults read books and discuss ideas, the best way to do that is to normally read books and discuss ideas as part of my life.
If I want my child to see that life doesn’t revolve around spending money and you don’t have to throw out cash in order to enjoy life, the best way to do that is to live a life where that’s the normal course of events and not a special “money free weekend.”
If it’s an act, it doesn’t work.
Few things are harder than working on who you are and striving to improve it. People are creatures of habit and impulse. It is extremely difficult to change those fundamental things.
In some ways, I’m lucky. When I want to push myself to change things about who I am, I simply have to think about those big blue eyes that are watching me all the time. That’s a pretty strong motivator.
Couple that motivation with a strong sense of what better choices are and soon I’ll end up changing who I am. Those better choices come naturally if they’re repeated enough.
The things we want to change seem very hard at times. Through the eyes of a child, though, they’re not difficult at all. If you work on just changing who you are a little bit, you no longer have to face the difficult decision to not spend money or to not smoke or to not curse over and over again throughout the day.
In the eyes of a child, character trumps everything else. Work on your character and your habits follow.
My youngest child has these deep blue eyes. If you tell him something that attracts his attention, he’ll stop and look at you with those piercing blue eyes for a moment, as though he’s trying to make up his mind whether or not you’re telling him something of real value.
Every day, his eyes are on me. Along with his two older siblings and his mother, I’m one of the people that he’s constantly using as a role model for figuring out the world.
If he sees me enjoying tomatoes, he’s willing to give them a try.
If he sees me brushing my teeth, he’ll head to the other bathroom to retrieve his own toothbrush.
If he sees me shaving, he’s ready to slap some shaving cream on his cheeks.
His idea of good behavior is coming, in large part, from me.
John Wooden, the great UCLA basketball coach and one of my personal heroes, once said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
It can be easy for me to try to behave well when my little blue-eyed boy is around. I can try to act like a good role model when he’s around. I can think more deliberately about my action when he’s watching me.
Children are too smart for that, though. They see the character behind the curtain. I certainly remember realizing that there were people who would do one thing when eyes were on them and then do another when no one else was around, and I was smart enough to know that the things they did when no one was around was the true reflection of who they were.
It’s not enough to behave well when my child is watching. I must have the character from which good behavior comes naturally.
For example, the best way to show my child that you can have a lot of fun at home with whatever you have on hand is to have a lot of fun at home with whatever you have on hand.
If I want my child to see that adults read books and discuss ideas, the best way to do that is to normally read books and discuss ideas as part of my life.
If I want my child to see that life doesn’t revolve around spending money and you don’t have to throw out cash in order to enjoy life, the best way to do that is to live a life where that’s the normal course of events and not a special “money free weekend.”
If it’s an act, it doesn’t work.
Few things are harder than working on who you are and striving to improve it. People are creatures of habit and impulse. It is extremely difficult to change those fundamental things.
In some ways, I’m lucky. When I want to push myself to change things about who I am, I simply have to think about those big blue eyes that are watching me all the time. That’s a pretty strong motivator.
Couple that motivation with a strong sense of what better choices are and soon I’ll end up changing who I am. Those better choices come naturally if they’re repeated enough.
The things we want to change seem very hard at times. Through the eyes of a child, though, they’re not difficult at all. If you work on just changing who you are a little bit, you no longer have to face the difficult decision to not spend money or to not smoke or to not curse over and over again throughout the day.
In the eyes of a child, character trumps everything else. Work on your character and your habits follow.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Pride
[Taken from the Simple Dollar]
Posted: 17 Aug 2012 07:00 AM PDT
We all want to have a life that we can be proud of.
We want a life that we’re happy to show to others. We want relationships where we feel like equals with the other person. We want a life full of memories and activities that accurately reflect the values we hold dear.
Quite often, that pride can drive us to great things. It can push us to work harder. It can push us to build more rewarding relationships. It can push us to commit more strongly to our core values.
The challenge comes when that pride is channeled in the wrong direction. It can push us to spend our time and money in incredibly foolish ways.
Once upon a time, my pride nearly drove me to financial ruin.
I tried incredibly hard to keep up with the people in my life and I did so by buying things and going out for expensive evenings almost constantly. I’d think nothing of dropping $50 on the latest video game or $40 for a trip to the movies mostly so I could talk about them in my social circle.
Instead of chasing long-term meaningful relationships, I chased the short-term rush of being envied (or at least accepted) by acquaintances. I was pretty proud of being the guy who knew all about the latest movies or always knew about the latest gadgets. I took pride in that and chased it.
Being that guy merely left me without money and without a lot of long-term valuable relationships. I could feel good in the short term about what I had, but whenever I thought about the long term, I didn’t have such happy feelings. I couldn’t picture a lot of the people in my life at the time still being in my life in twenty years. I certainly couldn’t see a clear financial path from my situation to where I wanted to be in twenty years.
I was proud of the short-term social position I held, but I gradually began to grow very distraught about the long-term implications of that position.
Eventually, I had to re-evaluate my sources of pride. More specifically, I began to seek out long-term sources of pride.
What’s the difference? If you own the latest phone, you can be proud of that and make your friends envious for a short while, but it’s not going to be long before someone else has a better one.
On the other hand, if you have a beautiful home that’s paid for, you’re going to be able to be proud of that for a very long time. It’s a symbol of financial security and stability.
If you have a shiny new car, it won’t be shiny and new within a few years. If your pride is based on having a shiny new car, then you’re going to have to replace it regularly at a pretty high expense.
If you’re proud of having a reliable car instead, you can be proud of that for many years. Take pride on having a car that’s ran well for 200,000 miles instead of a car that’s got a recent model year.
You can be proud of having a contact list full of acquaintances, but those acquaintances will slip away like grains of sand. On the other hand, you can be proud of having a smaller group of lifetime friends that will be there for you through thick and thin.
In almost every case, being proud of something that will last for a long time will serve you much better than having pride in something that is fleeting.
A long-term friend is not one that you have to continually impress. A car with reliability is not one you’re going to have to get replaced very frequently. A home that is paid for is not draining your wallet via interest.
What are the long-term things in your life that you are most proud of? What are the things that you draw pride from that are more transient? How can you replace those transient things?
Posted: 17 Aug 2012 07:00 AM PDT
We all want to have a life that we can be proud of.
We want a life that we’re happy to show to others. We want relationships where we feel like equals with the other person. We want a life full of memories and activities that accurately reflect the values we hold dear.
Quite often, that pride can drive us to great things. It can push us to work harder. It can push us to build more rewarding relationships. It can push us to commit more strongly to our core values.
The challenge comes when that pride is channeled in the wrong direction. It can push us to spend our time and money in incredibly foolish ways.
Once upon a time, my pride nearly drove me to financial ruin.
I tried incredibly hard to keep up with the people in my life and I did so by buying things and going out for expensive evenings almost constantly. I’d think nothing of dropping $50 on the latest video game or $40 for a trip to the movies mostly so I could talk about them in my social circle.
Instead of chasing long-term meaningful relationships, I chased the short-term rush of being envied (or at least accepted) by acquaintances. I was pretty proud of being the guy who knew all about the latest movies or always knew about the latest gadgets. I took pride in that and chased it.
Being that guy merely left me without money and without a lot of long-term valuable relationships. I could feel good in the short term about what I had, but whenever I thought about the long term, I didn’t have such happy feelings. I couldn’t picture a lot of the people in my life at the time still being in my life in twenty years. I certainly couldn’t see a clear financial path from my situation to where I wanted to be in twenty years.
I was proud of the short-term social position I held, but I gradually began to grow very distraught about the long-term implications of that position.
Eventually, I had to re-evaluate my sources of pride. More specifically, I began to seek out long-term sources of pride.
What’s the difference? If you own the latest phone, you can be proud of that and make your friends envious for a short while, but it’s not going to be long before someone else has a better one.
On the other hand, if you have a beautiful home that’s paid for, you’re going to be able to be proud of that for a very long time. It’s a symbol of financial security and stability.
If you have a shiny new car, it won’t be shiny and new within a few years. If your pride is based on having a shiny new car, then you’re going to have to replace it regularly at a pretty high expense.
If you’re proud of having a reliable car instead, you can be proud of that for many years. Take pride on having a car that’s ran well for 200,000 miles instead of a car that’s got a recent model year.
You can be proud of having a contact list full of acquaintances, but those acquaintances will slip away like grains of sand. On the other hand, you can be proud of having a smaller group of lifetime friends that will be there for you through thick and thin.
In almost every case, being proud of something that will last for a long time will serve you much better than having pride in something that is fleeting.
A long-term friend is not one that you have to continually impress. A car with reliability is not one you’re going to have to get replaced very frequently. A home that is paid for is not draining your wallet via interest.
What are the long-term things in your life that you are most proud of? What are the things that you draw pride from that are more transient? How can you replace those transient things?
An Intentional Life
[Copied from http://zenhabits.net/intentional/]
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Many of us go through our days awake, but following patterns we’ve developed over the years. We are going through the motions, doing things at home, online, at work without much forethought.
Contrast this with the idea of an Intentional Life: everything you do is done with consciousness, fulfilling one of your core values (compassion, for example). Everything is done with a conscious intent.
It’s true that many things we do have some kind of intent — I’m washing the dishes because I don’t want a messy house or bugs in my kitchen; I’m driving to work because I need to make a living; I’m driving my kids to school because they need to learn. But after repeating these actions every day, the intent kind of fades into the background so that we are barely aware of them. We’ve figured out the intent long ago, and don’t need to think about them anymore.
What if that changed?
What if you were very aware of your intention for your actions? How would that transform the action, and your life?
What if you washed the dishes, but first said you are doing this as a service to your family, to make them happy, and as a form of meditation for yourself, to practice mindfulness? Doing the dishes would suddenly take on much more importance, and would cease to be boring.
The only difference is intention.
What if driving to work was done after mentally declaring an intention to help others at work, to make people happy, to find satisfaction through work? The drive might be much happier, and you might be less likely to get irate when someone inevitably cuts you off in traffic.
This is the Intentional Life.
I practice it in bits and pieces — not all the time, but increasingly. When I do it, my life is different. More purposeful, more consciously lived, more content with any action.
A simple practice of intentionality: before you do the next action online or at work, pause a moment, close your eyes, and mentally say your intention. Why are you doing this? Is it out of compassion for others, or yourself? Is it to make someone happier? To improve the world? Out of gratitude for the work and kindness of others?
And then, as you do the action, be mindful of your intention.
This is a small step, but in those few moments, you will be living an Intentional Life.
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Many of us go through our days awake, but following patterns we’ve developed over the years. We are going through the motions, doing things at home, online, at work without much forethought.
Contrast this with the idea of an Intentional Life: everything you do is done with consciousness, fulfilling one of your core values (compassion, for example). Everything is done with a conscious intent.
It’s true that many things we do have some kind of intent — I’m washing the dishes because I don’t want a messy house or bugs in my kitchen; I’m driving to work because I need to make a living; I’m driving my kids to school because they need to learn. But after repeating these actions every day, the intent kind of fades into the background so that we are barely aware of them. We’ve figured out the intent long ago, and don’t need to think about them anymore.
What if that changed?
What if you were very aware of your intention for your actions? How would that transform the action, and your life?
What if you washed the dishes, but first said you are doing this as a service to your family, to make them happy, and as a form of meditation for yourself, to practice mindfulness? Doing the dishes would suddenly take on much more importance, and would cease to be boring.
The only difference is intention.
What if driving to work was done after mentally declaring an intention to help others at work, to make people happy, to find satisfaction through work? The drive might be much happier, and you might be less likely to get irate when someone inevitably cuts you off in traffic.
This is the Intentional Life.
I practice it in bits and pieces — not all the time, but increasingly. When I do it, my life is different. More purposeful, more consciously lived, more content with any action.
A simple practice of intentionality: before you do the next action online or at work, pause a moment, close your eyes, and mentally say your intention. Why are you doing this? Is it out of compassion for others, or yourself? Is it to make someone happier? To improve the world? Out of gratitude for the work and kindness of others?
And then, as you do the action, be mindful of your intention.
This is a small step, but in those few moments, you will be living an Intentional Life.
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